...family

i'm finding it hard not to think about family today and the fragility of relationships. watching the funeral of elizabeth edwards, and listening to her daughter eulogize her mother feels a bit overshadowed by the poor choices of john edwards. waking up to the news of mark madoff's suicide is yet another tragedy caused by the incomprehensible choices of bernie madoff. a day filled with so much reverberating sadness. may they both have found peace.

it doesn't take a death to kill a family. the dynamic is delicate. bonds broken over poor choices. irreconcilable differences. grudges. when whittled down to the core, each indiscretion or action seems to come from a lack of respect for the person and the relationship.

as hard as it is at times to balance family demands, i try to make it a priority. it doesn't by any means always work. i do a lot of it the wrong way. it's hard at times do what's right, respect your elders, observe traditions, make unpopular choices, be in 5 places at once, and not always be in the 5 right places at once. but setting examples for children may be the only way we can insure the respect for family lives on.

wwcd: try to keep it all balanced

the blessing of...

i don't usually send fan mail, but author wendy mogel deserves it. this weekend i read her book, the blessing of a b minus, and was wowed. not by her writing, which is warm and welcoming.  or her knowledge, which is rich and thorough. or her her advice, which is so sound and thoughtful. i think what wowed me was the total package and how it reinforced what i fully believe.

i also believe the simplest ideas are usually the best. her ideas about parenting are very simple - not to be confused with easy. and even though she uses jewish teachings, it's not religious. wendy's earlier book the blessing of a skinned knee was very similar, but it  focused on younger children. her new book is geared for parents of teens. certainly a group facing a different set of challenges than those with younger children.

it's hard to argue with the simple concept of respect your parents.  it's also hard to argue that responsibility, resilience, rules and expectations aren't the foundation of great parenting -- for any age child. her advice is grounded -- pick your battles, set realistic expectations, remember they are teenagers,  it's their life and you're not reliving your teen years, practice detachment, and let them go. and even though letting go is inevitable and what all of our parenting work is for, wendy tells us to allow the heartache we will feel. 

wwcd: i plan to hold this book close to keep me in check and give me strength

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

i'm feeling like change is in the air. not sure if it's because 2010 is nearing the end and a spanking fresh new year is just around the corner, but i'm feeling it. then again, that feeling might be there because i need it to be. i've never been much of a stuck-in-a-rut person. i usually welcome change and enjoy the newness of things, relationships, jobs, homes. there is something special about starting fresh.

the smell of a new car, a freshly painted room, a chance meeting, or a new job. for me it's all about potential. yes, i know, that leather or paint smell gets old pretty fast and we're thankful it dissipates quickly. a new relationship is amazingly energizing and then i prefer the hyped up feelings to morph into ones more cozy and relaxed. and the new job, well, the first 6-12 months are draining in a way that you look forward to forgetting once acclimated.

we live in a society that reveres new and doesn't show a great deal of respect to old. we replace electronics faster than steve jobs can create them. we erase lines of experience, trading them in for a more youthful appearance. and we might not put as much effort in as we should at making a relationship work or keeping a job challenging, quickly admitting defeat or boredom. and then again, we sometimes figure out the old car just has more character than the newer model.

wwcd: wondering why i welcome change as much as i do.  what about you?

you got me thinking

i spoke with a friend the other night or rather i babbled and he spoke. i am so tired and have been for the last few months that i cannot seem to get enough sleep to make me not tired. that being said, it's my fault. i've over-scheduled myself: with work, volunteer commitments, and family. we all get it, we're all busy.

but my friend said, ever since i've know you, you've always been swamped. i just agreed, but later on wondered if that's how people see me....as the busy one. don't get me wrong, i like to be busy. and don't get me wrong, i love to do nothing too.

it's amazing to me how stressed i've felt the last few weeks. being pulled in too many directions and not keeping any or enough time for me. each time i find myself in this position, i make a promise not to let it happen again. and then it does...and in addition to being overwhelmed, i'm then mad at myself...all making for an even wamer and cozier feeling.

and here I am again. truth is i'm finally starting to get a handle on it all...but i put myself through such stress to get to a place of breathing. i am sitting here laughing at the geico commercial with the pig squealing all the way home, so i must be getting back to a bit of my normal self.

wwcd: keep the promise to myself

teenage dream

i've posted a couple of blogs about the bullying of gay teens and their tragic suicides and i wanted to find something positive happening for them. i've been doing a lot of reading about sexuality and how and when to introduce homosexuality to children. i loved how the book it's so amazing represented families and the different types that exist. earlier today i was telling someone about how i started reading this book to zach when a friend of mine was pregnant with twins and he wanted to know what the twins were doing in her tummy.

i was surprised at how informative the book was. what i didn't know was how beautifully it described a family. it was all so perfectly matter-of-fact. adopted, bi-racial, gay. zach and i started reading it when he was 5 years old and there's no doubt in my mind that a gay family is as normal to him now as a stero-typical male/female marriage. it's not even a question of being accepting of other people. it just is and they just are. 

even as the tea party gains momentum, i am so positive that a show like glee is on television. to have a show with gay characters dealing with everything from being bullied to falling in love is such a  great step. to have gay teens represented on such a widely watched show will hopefully normalize what many consider normal. if only there had been a gay brady in the bunch...or mary and rhoda were a couple...maybe it would have helped some of my friends during their teen years.

wwcd: how about a remake of the odd couple?