do the right thing

It's a bit unnerving how early college is discussed now in the life of a high school student. I don't remember even thinking about college until junior year. With all this talk happening earlier, there seems to be more opportunity to discuss what parents hope for their children and whom they hope the kids grow into as adults. I hear a lot about wanting the kids to be happy and successful adults who find a career they love. Nothing wrong with being happy and successful, or loving what you spend much of your time doing.

Not to minimize those dreams, but a few things feel like they're missing. What about being a good person? What about being the person who does the right thing? Over the weekend I was talking with my step-dad about the Sandusky molestations. We were both incredulous at the behavior of the assistant coach when he walked in on Sandusky raping a 10 year old. I recounted a conversation I had with Zach about what he should do if he ever walked in on that kind of a situation. I said you don't have to put yourself in danger, but you must do the right thing and get help immediately.

This touched such a nerve that I cried with my step-dad. I want Zach to be a happy and successful adult, but I believe with every fiber of my being that all of it will be meaningless unless you have values and a moral compass that leads you to making the choice to do the right thing. These are choices that come up frequently and most are not as life and death as what that assistant coach encountered, but each time you have a choice. Being proud of who you are and doing the right thing will make you a happy person.

mothers

One of my favorite movies is Mother with Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds. It came out in 1996...the year after I became a mother. 

The story centers on Brooks as he returns to his childhood home hoping to understand what went wrong in his relationships with women. What ensues is brilliant comedy between a mother and son. One of my favorite scenes is when Reynolds and Brooks are on the phone and her call waiting interrupts. She attempts to put him on hold only to return to him several times before Brooks asks why she even pays for call waiting. It's a scene those of us with technology-challenged moms relate to and appreciate. Of course I've never had a similar experience with my mom.

If you have your mom into your adult life, changes in them and in your relationship take place. You may hear many of the same stories again and again, and even when you think you can't listen once more, you may begin to find these stories a bit comforting. Topics may include: past family events, disagreements with friends or family members, movie themes, theater revivals, and most likely your childhood.

Moms are usually the only person in the world who can bring the adult you back to the 16 year old you faster than running into your high school boyfriend. They can also be the one to embarrass, humiliate and frustrate you more than anyone. I was at a dinner the other night and two of the guests brought along their mothers. It was fascinating to see how each of the daughters interacted, excused, and reacted to their moms.

Later that night I wondered if I'll embarrass Zach when he's older and I'm older. Then I realized, it's not if it's when, realizing I've already started. So I'll go on record now, I'm sorry for asking too many questions, repeating myself at every opportunity, and just generally bugging you. Know it all comes from a place of love.

I know you've got a good mother story....and I'd love to hear it.

like heaven

It's in one of the busiest neighborhoods of New York City. Through a maze of construction barricades. In and out of open tunnels. And after many security check points, I am pushed out into this open area. It's almost too large to take in. The grass is perfectly mowed. The trees are all lined up, with each similar in size. It feels very controlled.

Until you see the waterfalls. The water first rolls through a metal comb and then pours freely into a pool so deep and peaceful. The pools are massive in size...each surrounded by metal with names in an elegant font. It's the combination of perfect nature and flawless design that makes it look so solid.

This place is peaceful, some call it sacred. It isn't until I raise my eyes and look up only to see massive buildings, that I remember I'm in New York. I haven't been here since December 2001. It makes me proud that an almost indescribable monument is now here forever. Seeing the heaven that was built on hell...

The reason for living

It makes you re-think your life.  When someone you know dies, it makes you re-think your life. When someone has lived an exemplary life, it should make you question what you will do with your time left. I don't think it matters how young or old you are when confronted with this, except that it's more pressing if you are older.

How much time do you have to make a difference in the lives of your family and friends, and the strangers you encounter in your neighborhood or the ones you never see who are in need of help? It's not about how you'll be remembered after dying, but what you think of yourself before that happens.

I heard the most intensely beautiful remembrances of someone today. Two took my breath away and the others were so deeply personal they painted a complete picture of a person. The solid values his parents instilled, the importance of education and philanthropy in his life, and the career that was golden.

But what took my breath away were the touching examples of him as a husband, father, grandfather, brother and friend. I kept wondering how my life measures up to the passion, thoughtfulness, kindness and care he showed for people. And I came away knowing this will make me re-think my life.

I remember...

It's four days until the 10th anniversary of the day it all changed. Ten years can feel like such a long time ago, but in a moment I can be brought back to that morning.

I can remember every moment of the day and the days to follow.

I remember...dropping Zach at day two of kindergarten.
I remember...walking down Park Avenue to work and thinking the sky never looked this blue.
I remember...my friend Tanya calling to tell me the Trade Center had been hit by a plane.
I remember...not having a radio or CNN newsfeed, and only wanting to watch the Today Show.
I remember...Tanya calling back, now screaming the other Tower was hit by another plane.

I remember...being happy that I hadn't gotten the job at One World Trade Center the year before.

I remember...stepping outside to smoke a cigarette and someone yelled, "the Pentagon has been hit."
I remember...deciding to pick Zach up from school and us going home to be safe.
I remember...being glued to CNN, as Zach watched cartoons in the other room.
I remember...my breath being taken away as the first Tower fell.
I remember...Zach's school receiving bomb threats.
I remember...feeling so anxious of what was going to happen next and when.
I remember...the wind changing, and the smell of downtown lingering on my terrace.
I remember...how I couldn't stop crying and still today cannot think about that day without crying.
I remember...watching this video over and over and feeling unimaginably sad.

But what I want to remember, is the kindness and good I saw in the people of New York.