monday's ultimatum

i've always been perplexed by women who proudly announce they have given someone an ultimatum. years ago those ultimatums were usually about moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having children. i didn't understand why women would relinquish the power and basically sit waiting on the whim of another person. i also wondered why anyone would want to practically force someone to do something instead of having it be their idea. and usually, the ultimatum time limit would come and go and an extension would be given.

back then is when i made a deal with myself to never give anyone an ultimatum except myself. not a man i thought of as a potential husband or father, or an employer holding a sought after promotion. these ultimatums became mine -- and silent. i would make a deal with myself that usually began with some situational frustration, better known as it was time for a change. instead of holding anyone else responsible or blaming someone for not doing what i thought timely, i decided on a time frame that i could live with and that seemed realistic. mondays were usually it. a decision made at the beginning of a week was a positive step, at least in some direction.

i still do it now and monday is still the day. it allows me to feel more in control of a situation where i'm not really in control. of course by making this silent deal with myself, i become more in control.

wwcd: it's about owning your life, taking responsibility for outcomes, not blaming others

friday

why does thursday night make me think of friday which inevitably makes me think of being back in school? i'm swamped at work and need to learn to say "i'm too busy to take that on" but fortunately, i love what i do and welcome new projects. the truth is i do like to be busy and i like to think and i like to problem solve. and i also look forward to friday.

i love all the feedback i've been getting on the blog, but smile to myself when several people have asked where i get the time to write. this is not exactly complicated writing, or research intensive. i find the time to write because i enjoy it and because this blog has nothing to do with any other part of my life. it's not something i'm paid to do, it's not something i've volunteered to work on or something i've made an obligation to fulfill. it's pure pleasure and how many things in life bring only that? unencumbered with the other stuff makes this time something to look forward to - like friday!

wwcd: enjoy your friday and find something that brings you nothing but pure pleasure

we have no excuses

i remember hearing that life was one errand after another. somewhere along the line that has changed and much of my life has become a deadline. i am very cognizant of time, my calendar, my "things to do" list....and all seem to be time sensitive.

i just switched my calendar from ical to google calendar. i thought this was going to be some monumental change - so much so, that i delayed it for the last couple of years. did i blow that one out of proportion. it took no time to export my calendar from ical and import it into google calendar. and my once beloved, colorful calendar that only lived on my office mac, now follows me from computer to computer to blackberry. herein lies the blessing and the curse.

i liked the excuse of not making plans from home...deferring it to when i'm in the office. those days are gone since my calendar is now where ever i am. this made me think of all the other places where excuses no longer exist:

...it's in the mail - there's nothing in the mail, except maybe a birthday card from grandma

...the messenger must be running late - most documents are emailed now

...i couldn't call, the pay phone was broken - cell phones make us available 24/7

...and my favorite is when my son complains about how long it can take to access information on the web. i then recount my high school years of walking over to the library (in the rain), looking up the book i needed, figuring out the dewey decimal system from hell only to discover that someone had already taken out the book.

wwcd: we can afford to slow life down a bit, it's been fast-forwarded a little too quickly

my aunt died

she died last friday evening while i was at theater with amy. on sunday my brother and i went to the funeral and cemetery together. i saw family members - my cousins - whom i haven't seen in over 10 years. blood is an incredible bond and walls break down quickly. even though it's been 10 years, we fell right back into our relationship. they look the same...maybe a little grayer, thinner, blonder, shorter...funny how you remember people.

we arrived in new jersey for the service and it was great to see my cousins, despite the sad reason. i was dumbstruck when i saw my cousins' children now ages 11, 20, 21, 24, and just-turned 25. that's where the 10 years made a huge difference. about to have a bar mitzvah, in college, just graduated from college and cannot find a job, moved west for a career opportunity, and just moved in with her boyfriend and began working for a start up company. they were all so young the last time i saw them.

i felt like i missed a lifetime. i missed several. and they missed zach's. as sad as it was to be at my aunt's funeral, it was more crushing to think of all the time that we won't get back as a family.

wwcd: you cannot turn back time, but you can make the most of the time ahead

where does time go?

i woke up this morning to lucy the dog making the sound of "i'm about to throw up." that's when you know it's going to be a long day and can only get better. actually, the whole event brought me back to zach's early years, when kids are more like puppies. they need you to do everything, can't speak or feed themselves, want to run around endlessly, and then sleep a lot.

i look back on the last 14 years and think how long each day has felt...in a good way, and how quickly 14 years has passed...in a bad way. i remember my friends who were seasoned parents saying to me when he was born: enjoy each moment, the time passes quickly. all i knew at that point was that i could really function on very little sleep. since i wasn't working for the first 5 years of zach's life, time took on an odd reality and the book i wanted to write was titled: every day is tuesday. honestly, there was no differentiating the days of the week.

i embraced all ages and stages. i never wanted to rush to the next stage. what i'm having a hard time with now is that he'll be in high school next year and i'm just not sure how that happened. how have over 5000 days passed since he was born? i'm still enjoying the day to day...worrying a little of what the teenage years will bring, but have reconciled it like the terrible 2's. i approached his second birthday expecting him to be the same sweet and smiling boy. we never experienced anything terrible, so i've decided to expect the best of the teen years. i may be fooling myself....

wwcd: expect the best and prepare for a few bumps