i keep writing about being positive and putting only the good out there and yet i haven't been very nice to my mother lately. i'm can be helpful and am usually thoughtful, but i've been short tempered and i just realized why. i truly thought i was reacting to having to repeat myself because she asks the same question and doesn't listen to the answer. and i thought it might be our differing need of understanding why things happen or don't when it comes to the computer. but it's not either of those reasons.
it's my frustration with her smoking. how crazy is it that i smoked for many years and probably wasn't the most thoughtful smoker, and now 6 years after quitting i'm disgusted with the habit? i only know 2 people who smoke. i walk around people who smoke on the street. i also want to approach teens i see smoking and explain how hard it will be to quit - but stop myself cause i know what i would have thought if an adult had said anything to me when i was that age.
i'm upset and even angry that i don't feel comfortable spending time at my mom's home, which happens to be in the same building where i live. she's very helpful and takes my dog, lucy, in the afternoon to have a play date with her dog. but lucy comes back smelling of smoke which gets me crazy....as does knowing that lucy is getting sick from the smoke. and so is my mom.
wwcd: find a way of accepting, not judging mom - otherwise i'll miss out on mom
As a former smoker & daughter of a current smoker, I can relate. Oddly, my father's smoking doesn't bother me. But it's good that you figured out what was bugging you. Now what are you going to do about it?
ReplyDeletePerhaps encourage your mom to leave the cigarettes behind. You could suggest that she refrain from smoking while your dog is visiting -- for your sake if not for her own. Sometimes mothers can be motivated on behalf of their children... You might remind her that you understand how hard it was to put it behind you, and let her know that you are there to help, not criticize. It might help you release your anger too, knowing that it helps no one.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Casper. I don't know that you can expect or effect much change from your mom. You might have to find changes you can make to feel less upset. Your sign-off said a lot -- don't miss out on your mom.
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