i've always wondered why some people want what they don't have. whether it's coveting a house, a car, jewelry, or a spouse that or who belongs to someone else. people seem to think the grass is really greener elsewhere. you can be in a long term relationship - even unhappily - and sometimes that person looks more appealing if someone else shows interest. or if your spouse begins to pull away, they may suddenly seem more interesting and you may even start to appreciate them more. why is it that some people don't realize what they have when they have it and feel satisfied?
another version of that is wanting someone who doesn't want you or a wanting a relationship that isn't healthy. i think most of the people i know have been in that situation at some point. i know i have and i question my motives often. why would i want someone who doesn't want me or want to be or stay in a bad relationship? the challenge, habit, boredom, laziness, fear of the unknown. all very unhealthy reasons. but for creatures of habit, not surprising.
of course the most enviable are those who have found happiness with their significant other, career, friends, family and their lives. i feel fortunate to have found that in my life with part of the list. it's amazing to have a career where you forget you're getting paid, and family and friends who can challenge and support you and make you laugh like no one else.
wwcd: de-green the envy as it arises
another version of that is wanting someone who doesn't want you or a wanting a relationship that isn't healthy. i think most of the people i know have been in that situation at some point. i know i have and i question my motives often. why would i want someone who doesn't want me or want to be or stay in a bad relationship? the challenge, habit, boredom, laziness, fear of the unknown. all very unhealthy reasons. but for creatures of habit, not surprising.
of course the most enviable are those who have found happiness with their significant other, career, friends, family and their lives. i feel fortunate to have found that in my life with part of the list. it's amazing to have a career where you forget you're getting paid, and family and friends who can challenge and support you and make you laugh like no one else.
wwcd: de-green the envy as it arises
Nice post! Feelings of failure in relationship, feelings of anxiety in social contexts, and especially depression, can be devastating. But what makes it all ten times more difficult is our self-statements about them. "No, I can't feel this way. This can't be happening to me" are verbal coping strategies that compound the problem and lead to more destructive patterns of behavior, like having extramarital affairs, taking drugs, or avoiding social contact. The core problem is in our 'languaging' about these feelings. We get caught up in our stories, we avoid our feelings, and we get progressively more rigid and unable to contact the world in our midst.
ReplyDeleteSad state of affairs! However, there's strong evidence to support an approach to these common human conditions that includes regular noticing of the feelings - without judgment - and the construction of a valued direction in life that can sustain your actions in service of those values, even when you're having feelings of failure, anxiety, or depression.
Learning to hold your thoughts and feelings lightly, and thanking your mind for sharing them, is what gives context to learning to appreciate and even laugh with a partner's bad habits, the loss of a job, or the discovery of a malignant tumor.
Crap happens. AND when I'm living in service of being the best (fill in the blank here) that I can be, I can do more than just survive. I can thrive.
Thanks for the post, C.
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t.