a feeling usually experienced by first time nursery school toddlers and parents or sleep away camp campers and parents, but at 51 i'm feeling it for the first time. my mom has decided to move to florida...year round. it'll be the first time that we haven't lived in the same building or city.
i'm having a hard time managing all of the emotions surfacing with this change. friends who don't have good relationships with their parents are jealous. those with good relationships know how hard this is for me. i know my mom and i have had our ups and downs, but we've always been there for each other. now we'll be helpful by phone or skype. it'll be different.
our family hasn't been the close-knit one i hoped for and that makes this feel more difficult. my mom is zach's only grandma and that makes me like having her even more in his day-to-day life. i'm also a true creature of habit, not one who likes change in my personal life. and there's so much change going on now...
our family hasn't been the close-knit one i hoped for and that makes this feel more difficult. my mom is zach's only grandma and that makes me like having her even more in his day-to-day life. i'm also a true creature of habit, not one who likes change in my personal life. and there's so much change going on now...
wwcd: going to enjoy that we've got a lovely place to go 3 hours away by plane
i feel for your loss.
ReplyDeletethere it is: uncertainty and distance looming on the horizon. her life is still hers to live and she has made a choice, just as you make choices that might not always be easy for her to tolerate and adjust to fit around. your relationship may even grow more elegant and beautiful, honest and loving in this new format. nothing taken for granted. really reaching for contact.
letting go can be about allowing the fear of loss to surface, acknowledging it as one reaction, and seeing what else is going on. just as you are doing.
Wow! I can't believe she's moving...what a trip. Lots and lots of emotion, i'm sure...but she'll always be your mom, no matter near or far. Xo
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful and raw...I hope that this will turn out to be a situation that you can look back on and feel proud - for you, for Zach and for your mom...xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. You are never old enough to go without your mommy nearby.
ReplyDeleteSeparation is so hard, and even just thinking about it makes me sad/anxious about change. The flights to FL keep getting shorter, so it might make next winter warmer!xox
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