what the f#*k is curling?

as the olympics come to a close tonight, i continue to wonder about curling. what an odd sport and even odder to watch who participates. it was on every night or certainly every time i turned on nbc or msnbc. during the last 2 weeks, curling has been the butt of jokes on most late night talk shows, bill maher and last night on snl too. it's not like me to make fun of people or things or sports, but i haven't been able to control myself on this one. 

what's gotten me thinking about my reaction to this sport is what makes it ok to make fun of something or someone? where is that line we have all crossed at some point. it seems that when a majority of a group of people see humor, it's acceptable. that's great when you're part of the majority, but bites if you're not. it's hard to be part of a small group of people believing in something. being different. standing alone. i like when things are different and people are unique. i appreciate the creativity. 

it's sometimes necessary to step outside yourself. when i was in high school, i loved pushing the boundaries about being different - feeling unique. back in the 70s there was a line of products from an english company called mary quant. they made the most incredible nail polish colors. the metallic green and blue reminded me of sally bowles in cabaret and i loved wearing them (much to the chagrin of my mom). today i needed to step outside myself - and i'm enjoying looking at the metallic blue on my nails. no doubt my blue nails may be the butt of some jokes this week. (starting with the look from my mom at dinner tonight.)

wwcd: getting prepared to get what i gave

plan b

i was at a chinese new year celebration at zach's school last night and ran into one of my favorite parents. adrienne is the mom of more kids than i could ever fathom having and i am in awe of her and her husband. years ago i remember joking with him when she was pregnant with their 3rd or 4th that they needed a hobby. without missing a beat he said, "we have one," and smiled.

when i saw adrienne, i noticed she had all the kids with her and i said how wonderful it was that they brought them all to the event. adrienne looked at me and said, "this was plan b." we laughed and then i said, "my whole life is plan b." laughed again and i told her this would be the topic of my next blog.

my whole life really isn't my plan b, but did you expect your life to turn out this way? there are definitely elements of mine i totally wanted and hoped for and then there are the parts i never signed up for. i always knew i wanted a child and i got very lucky with that one. i started off in advertising and never thought i'd end up running the communications dept. for a school. and got very lucky there too. one plan a and one plan b and both are just as they should be.

wwcd:  plan a or plan b - as long as it works

i need a wife

i remember saying this years ago and every now and then i think about how great it would be to have a wife at home. i was the wife at home for 5 years and enjoyed most of it. i enjoyed spending time with zach in the park, going to classes, at the zoo, in the house, running the house, going to the gym, seeing friends, doing the marketing and making a feeble attempt at cooking. i loved the freedom of the day and the relatively stressless life i was living.

but then again, i love working -- the challenges, the people, the different daily routine, the financial freedom. i cannot imagine not working...at least not for the foreseeable future. but, i would love a wife at home who would be able to pick up where i would like to leave off. marketing, cooking, putting the laundry away, making sure what breaks is fixed. someone who basically has nothing but time to think about zach, the house and me.

if i thought a man could fill these shoes, that would truly make him very sought after. if i thought i had any inclinations to have a partner who is a woman, that might also make this a bit easier. i watch "big love" and am totally jealous of the husband who has all those wives...how easy on so many levels. the other solution i think may be of interest to some: have many friends live in the same building and share parenting responsibilities.

wwcd:  have always thought commune living answered so many of these questions

green with envy

i've always wondered why some people want what they don't have. whether it's coveting a house, a car, jewelry, or a spouse that or who belongs to someone else. people seem to think the grass is really greener elsewhere. you can be in a long term relationship - even unhappily - and sometimes that person looks more appealing if someone else shows interest. or if your spouse begins to pull away, they may suddenly seem more interesting and you may even start to appreciate them more. why is it that some people don't realize what they have when they have it and feel satisfied?

another version of that is wanting someone who doesn't want you or a wanting a relationship that isn't healthy. i think most of the people i know have been in that situation at some point. i know i  have and i question my motives often. why would i want someone who doesn't want me or want to be or stay in a bad relationship? the challenge, habit, boredom, laziness, fear of the unknown. all very unhealthy reasons. but for creatures of habit, not surprising.

of course the most enviable are those who have found happiness with their significant other, career, friends, family and their lives. i feel fortunate to have found that in my life with part of the list. it's amazing to have a career where you forget you're getting paid, and family and friends who can challenge and support you and make you laugh like no one else.

wwcd:  de-green the envy as it arises

blue skies

i had a little aha moment this evening. i was on my way to meet a friend for dinner and on 79th and madison i looked up at the sky. it was the most extraordinary dark blue that faded to a beautiful lighter blue as i looked west. i thought this sky was the brilliant night version of the morning sky of 9-11.

that thought brought me back to a very sad time which made me start thinking about how easy it is for a mood to change just because of a memory. so here's the aha part - i'm 50 and there's a boat load of memories trapped in my brain and they come popping out and into my consciousness whenever the time suits them. this can mean a lot of flux in a mood during one day, no? 

i often think i'm too sensitive and cry easily about someone else's pain. i don't even need to know them personally to feel upset. but tonight while looking at that amazing blue sky, i realized that i don't need to fight these feelings or hide these feelings or feel embarrassed by them. that's who i am. i don't need to make excuses. i do need to understand that an unexpected memory may change my mood. if it's to a happy memory all the better. 

wwcd:  just recognize it's a memory and not need to relive each minute of it