my top 10 for 09

during this week all the news shows spend a lot of time looking back over the year. they usually have great videos or pictures, but i only offer words. this is what stands out for me this year:

   obama's swearing in - he will leave the country in a better place
   reconnecting with old friends - fb brought incredible people into my life
   taking zach to theater - i even consider green day time very well spent
   turning 50 - as unfazed as i was, it's still a bit jaw dropping
   enjoying my work - thrilled with the new responsibilities
   loving time with family + old friends - need to call a few i let slip through
   missing swine flu - didn't get the vaccine, but did we dodge it??
   having friends young enough to have babies - welcome sasha!
   bringing sarah to a-s - even though it was sad to say bye to em
   starting this blog - unquestionably the best thing i did for myself this year

wwcd: wishing you memorable times in 2010

the little blonde

i've been on a movie tear this week and have just added 2 very good ones to the list. i saw invictus on tuesday with a friend and blind side today with zach. it was interesting seeing these back to back. there are some major plot similarities. there were the obvious sports themes and racial stereotypes and the big message of being inspiring -- whether to one person or a team or an entire country.

i left invictus thinking morgan freeman is nelson mandela. he so captured his spirit and it was inspiring to see how he went about uniting a country. it also seemed that much of the movie was analogous to obama's campaign and his ability to build bridges. as good as matt damon was as the captain of the rugby team, morgan freeman's performance overshadowed the movie. as much as i enjoyed invictus, blind side is definitely the movie with the most powerful and inspiring message and a movie that people of all ages will hopefully learn from and enjoy.

the movie is a true story about michael - a homeless teen from the projects who wants more.  through a series of fortunate events, he meets a woman, leigh anne (the little blonde), who along with her husband and children, welcomes michael into their family. i can honestly say that i had tears rolling down my cheeks for a good part of this movie. some tears were because it was hard to watch and hear about the hardships michael had endured. the other tears were for my wish to be someone like leigh anne - a person who helps others and makes a difference in their lives.

wwcd:  finding the right balance between family, friends, work and volunteering

their world is different

i spend a lot of time thinking about what lessons my son needs to learn in his young life in order to grow into the adult i imagine. i also spend a lot of time wondering about all the classes that are taught in schools and what, if anything, the subjects will do to help mold our children. schools have a way of getting a little lazy. unlike corporations, schools truly function on a yearly calendar.

it's very easy to say, "we've done it this way for years..." and continue doing it that way. there is so much going on that at times there isn't always time to be reflective. and even when there is, it can be daunting to be the first with new ideas. it's going to be 2010 in just a few days and our children are studying many of the same subjects and topics that we did. some in the same way too. how much math and science and poetry to they need? our world - their world - is different.

it would be powerful for schools or just a school to say, "let's teach the basics, but let's also teach lessons that will make a difference in the life of children." there are schools doing amazing jobs of teaching about the environment and nutrition by having the children learn to plant a garden, grow vegetables, cook the food and eat healthy. i just read about the first school in ny to start such a program.  the arturo toscanini elementary school in brooklyn. who will bring this idea across the bridge? and all the other ideas our children need?

wwcd: life moves fast...it may be time to slow down and assess

for you mrs. w.

one of the great things about staying in ny for christmas is going to movies. at least that's what i thought. when i think of holiday movies, i think happy, funny, light. i've been taken aback with the trailers being shown -- the lovely bones, huh?  i couldn't even get through the book because it was so sad.

the first movie we went to was up in the air with george clooney. he could pretty much read the phone book for 2 hours and i would watch....honestly. and the chemistry between george and vera farmiga was palpable. this was a wonderful movie except it's marketed as a comedy - yes, there are funny scenes and it has sharp, adult writing, but i would not call it a comedy. rating: worth your time

i'm speechless about our next choice - everybody's fine. i wasn't sure exactly what this movie was about, but all the actors are smiling in the movie poster. the smiles and the title tricked me into thinking it would be a feel good movie...so we bought tickets. we were wrong. the only good feeling was it made us realize that we are happier than anyone in the movie. rating: too much family time

on christmas day i squeezed in 2 movies  - nine and it's complicated. nine is one of the most incredible movies i've seen in a long time. along the lines of moulin rouge and cabaret. the cast, story, music, location, women, costumes, make up are spellbinding. from the minute we sat down, our eyes were glued to the screen. the 60s were an incredible time in fashion and it's multiplied by setting it in italy. rating: un film sorprendente

it's complicated was your typical nancy meyers movie -- laugh out loud fun. might even be funnier for those of us who are divorced. who knew being divorced would actually make you laugh more about something...? it was 2 hours of meryl streep giving older women a new appeal, alec baldwin with a butt double and steve martin acting stoned a little too well. rating: this is the feel good movie i was looking for 

wwcd: wishing you a merry christmas and more feel good movies in 2010

100% for 8 hours

i was at a friend's last night, but something was missing. initially i couldn't put my finger on it.  and when he went to put his kids to sleep, i checked my blackberry. there weren't any messages or emails or texts of bbms. seemed a bit odd, but then again it's the week of christmas and some people are already away. i also was unable to access the internet and thought i might have entered into one of those rare verizonless areas right on 71st + park.

earlier this week i stopped at work to take care of a few things and speak with a few people. i was in my office less than one hour when the internet began moving slowing, incoming emails ceased and my ability to work came to a stand still. thinking this would resolve itself quickly, i moved on to plan b - going through the piles of paper on my desk. after round filing many papers and feeling quite heroic and organized, online activities were still not working.

it's amazing how i and most people have come to rely on our computers, blackberries, iphones, email and the internet. it's a bit alarming how much of my job is dependent upon all of this technology. i admit it was inspiring being able to clean up my office and it was a nice evening without my phone interrupting our talk. i found out that the problem in my office was a verizon problem and also found out that park + 71st is not a verizonless zone, 100% of all blackberry users were without service for 8 hours last night.

wwcd: i enjoyed the quiet, missed the ability to access info, but would welcome more verizonless moments

under the big top

my great uncle, whom i called unk, used to say: don't put good money into bad. that was up there with my grandpa who said: buy good and you buy once, buy cheap and you buy it again and again. i loved hearing these sayings - they gave me a certain sense of security. i don't have lines this memorable to pass on to zach. yet.

unk was one of my favorite relatives. he was maybe 5'3", had an infectious smile and a twinkle in his eyes until he died at 80. he was married, divorced, married, divorced, which all culminated with unk at 50 in alimony jail. and then the circus came to town. unk was friendly with either barnum or bailey....this part of the story we just accepted as fact even though no one could figure out how he met a circus owner or 2. and furthermore, why b or b offered unk the opportunity to run the circus magazine.

unk's life turned around at 50. the circus magazine that most circus goers bought as a souvenir made unk a very rich man, but even more important, made him a wise man about money. once he had money he learned how to make smart investments - much of it in real estate. he worked hard for his money and enjoyed it too - living the epitome of the bachelor's life.  the last time i saw unk before he died, he was living on collins avenue in miami beach. he looked dapper as always, sitting on his terrace in silk pajamas with an argentinian woman taking good care of him. unfortunately, unk didn't recognize me, but always the ladies man, asked me out on a date.

wwcd:  many people start winding down a bit at 50, but i'd like to find my unk

what a week

getting to friday this week was painful. this week was so busy. why is it so difficult the week before winter or spring break?  every which way i turned someone needed something. it's not that i minded any one of the requests...there were just too many. it seems that on some level people have relinquished decision making abilities, although they have decided to make life complicated, and are choosing not to be happy about much of anything.

i do not have many mottos that i live by, but the 3 i do have make my life easier:

1. the fewer cooks the better - keep decision makers to a small and manageable number or you end up disagreeing or compromising and not much gets done.

2. the quickest distance between 2 points is a straight line - we've all got a lot going on, figure out how to accomplish the task quickly and thoroughly. why would anyone want to make doing something more complicated?

3. enjoy what you're doing - even the mundane becomes more fun when you truly enjoy the process and project.

it's a few days until christmas, zach is away until 2 days after, i'm technically not working, and i'm not sure how much i'm going to write either. part of me needs a break from everything i do regularly and the other part of me wants to keep this going. so i'm choosing #3 and will take each day as it comes.

wwcd:  i've decided not to decide and just enjoy what i'm doing

the curve

life is full of surprises. you may think you're on one path and a slight curve changes the trajectory. a few years ago i took on a leadership volunteer role at zach's school. it was not something i sought out and initially there was resistance to my accepting the post. i have a full time job, am a single parent and my son was only in the lower school (meaning i didn't have knowledge of the middle or high schools).

the position was head of the parents association and anyone who knows me knows i love a challenge. fast forward and i'm president of the pa and thinking: why did i do this? i knew why. the challenge.  this is where the slight curve appeared. i made time to meet with each committee to acquaint myself with committee chairs and their charge. i met with the 2 diversity committees and within a short period of time realized this was an area that needed more of my involvement.

i'm a white jewish woman raised on the upper east side and i spent 3 years learning all there was to about diversity and diversifying a school - the pros, the cons. i knew the school was watching out for the kids and training the faculty. the parents were a bit out there in left field and knew we could use help. so many assumptions were made by so many people. "are you the nanny?' i heard a few white women ask black women who in actuality were the mom. i still hear myself gasp.

wwcd:  now diversity is not just part of my volunteer commitments, i found a way to make it part of my work life too

the most wonderful time of the year

we're almost 3 nights into channukah, 6 days away from winter break, 12 days until christmas. it's been bitterly cold in ny for the last couple of days...no snow yet. it's an odd time of year. the city is packed with people shopping, going to theater and museums, visiting the tree in rockefeller center or just milling about. if you suffer from claustrophobia, it's hard to be in midtown now.

this time of year can also be a bit depressing. the finality of a year - unfulfilled plans, projects, promises makes me wonder where the last 12 months went. and january looms with its clean slate. there are more commercials on tv for nicorettes and weight watchers and viagra. would have thought the third would be condoms...in keeping with taking care of yourself. but it's obviously the time to re-evaluate.

i've never been one to write down new year's resolutions and i'm happy to say that we're still 18 days away from actually needing such a list. i'm such an organized person, a list maker, a to-do person that i would think i'd be a natural for a resolution list. if i put a list together for 2010, i know i don't want to disappoint myself so i'm going to choose carefully and be realistic.

wwcd: maybe my resolution is to make a list of resolutions

he's at the dmv

if you're looking for god, he's at the dmv in harlem. if you've been following this blog, you'll know that i forgot to renew my drivers license. no, i did not receive the renewal by mail either. it expired in july and i realized it in october and it took me until today to go the the dmv office. there was much prodding by the son to motivate.

growing up in ny, the only dmv office was the one down by the court buildings. you'd get there first thing in the morning, get on line, fill out papers, get on another line, ugh that was the wrong line. and then find the right line, wait some more only to be met by a dmv worker obviously not enjoying their career path. you were easily looking at 2 hours of your morning wasted. then the dmv opened the xpress office on 34th and 8th avenue. by far a huge improvement, but still quite busy and not very convenient.

last night, in my rush to download forms and fill them out so i wouldn't have to do it at the dmv, i noticed the list of dmv offices in manhattan. 159 east 125th street. in old ny days i would have passed it right by in favor of west 34th street.  but now, harlem is the new "it" neighborhood. so this morning i got up, got all my papers together, hailed a cab at 8:25 and went to harlem. i was in the dmv for 20 minutes, 2 lines, a picture, and $50 later i am the proud owner of a new license. well, a temporary one until the offical one arrives by mail in 2 weeks.

wwcd: i was in my office at 9:05 - 40 minutes after trying something new  

what to buy

it all starts tomorrow night. 8 nights of presents - some that are meaningful and others that are fillers. zach is the only recipient of 8 gifts, but i try to make them more meaningful.  kiva.org has become a gift i give many times. not to zach over the 8 nights, but at least one of the nights he receives money to invest in an entrepreneur in another country.

for friends i have a hard time balancing my love of buying just the right gift and knowing there are people who don't have...anything. i feel in my heart that we are all so fortunate - we have the basic necessities and way more. so when do i say, "i'm not buying gifts and instead i'm making contributions where they are needed"? i have decided to take a percentage of what i would normally spend and make a contribution instead.

i would also rather have lunch or dinner with a friend and spend that time together.  as my life is now, time is the greatest gift i can give. nothing makes me happier than running out of the office to meet a friend for lunch in the neighborhood. it takes me out of my day, let's me catch up in person with a friend and i come back to the office relaxed. i'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow who - with love - calls me a lunch ho.  she knows i'm really more of a friend ho.

wwcd: toys break, clothes shrink, ipods become outdated...but friends are always just right

my generation

i heard from several people i know who think i'm brave for writing this blog. "no way" they say could they do something like this - exposing themselves this way. as i planned when i started writing this - i would not write anything that would embarrass me, my family or friends. of course i have things in my past that are embarrassing - probably in my present too, but i don't feel that what i write about it so personal. i tell everyday stories. i read other blogs and facebook posts and am dumbstruck at the total lack of judgement and inhibitions.

several years ago i introduced a speaker who led a discussion about internet safety. in preparation for this, i opened a facebook account and learned what i could in a short period of time.  what i realized and what i focused on in my introduction was the lack of modesty and embarrassment this generation seems to have. i told my story of growing up and having a diary where i used to write my most secret thoughts. it had a lock and key. i locked it and hid the key. today there are no keys. no one even wants a key.

i worry about some of these kids (ages 12 to, well i know 50 year olds who say too much) who need to live every moment and emotion online. they're up, they're down. they broke up with their boyfriend, they found a new girlfriend. their friend betrayed them, they have a new best friend. they got drunk at a party, they posted the pictures online in case you weren't there. they say too much, they're mean, they're angry, they love each other. if you don't check facebook every day you can miss an entire relationship.

wwcd:  there's definitely a place for this amazing technology, but why do you want me to know what's happening in your life every minute of every day

i'm a jewish christian scientist

i've been sick with a cold for the last 5 days. it's moved from my head to my nose and has settled in my chest. people who don't know me well all ask, "what are you taking?" so if you know me, you're already saying, "um, medicine, not her." you see, since i was 25, i haven't taken more than an advil or two during the day when i'm sick and at night a 1/2 shot glass of scotch. this is what i call the dynamic duo.

i know, you're thinking i'm crazy and no, i don't own stock in advil.  i've been lucky health wise. i do believe that for most of the ailments i've had in the last few decades, the body has healed itself.  i think not taking antibiotics has increased my immunity system and made me stronger.  that's not to say that i don't get sick. i have a 14 year old at home, work at a school and live in a city where people are too close and breathe on each other. i am surrounded by germs.

i remember being 25, getting sick and going to the drug store to buy some over the counter medicine.  i could not get over the choice in front of me. decongestants, decongestants with codeine, expectorants, and all with alcohol. the shelves were lined with products.  but this is what freaked me out - reading the side effects. they sounded worse than my cold.  dizziness, excitability, headache, nausea, anxiety, trouble sleeping. i liked my cold symptoms better than the side effects. it was that day i decided to buy a big bottle of advil and scotch, and started praying for good health.

wwcd:  the dynamic duo is still working for me 25 years later

green cards

i've been designing our holiday cards since 1995 when zach was born. i had just learned how to use a mac and design and photography programs. the cards started out pretty simple and then each year became a little more complicated.  there was the year that i made the card an ornament with raffia attached in order to hang on the tree. i know i'm jewish, but i'm also a sucker for a great tree.

once i went back to work, at the end of 2000, the cards became less complicated and more clever. over the years we had such classics as the 4 seasons of zach (an idea one of his teachers asked me to translate to feature his dog!), 3 facial expressions of zach, you get the idea. all of these culminated last year with a photo on the card of obama recruiting zach to washington. with each year brought the challenge of keeping zach interested in being the focus of the card. i'm actually surprised i've gotten him this far.

that brings us to this year. zach is 14 and i couldn't find one photo that inspired me. i thought i could do something funny with zach and sarah palin, but honestly didn't want to give her the additional exposure to the 300 people i send cards to. i did think about emailing a card this year and quickly gave that up -- i love paper too much.  i know, i said i was a sucker for a great tree, but i'm not ready to go totally green just yet.  oh, so you want to know what i ended up doing for the card this year? you'll know soon enough...it'll be in the mail on monday.

wwcd: i'm going green where i can and each year will get a little closer to emailing the holiday card

my idol on madison

isabella rossellini was always the woman i wanted to be. when i grew up the models of the day were christie brinkley and cheryl tiegs - 2 women i couldn't relate to less. blond hair, one with a big smile, the other with thin lips, both 9 feet tall with vacant stares. yes, there was also the brown haired, ethnic looking janice dickinson. but seeing her recently on i'm a celebrity, get me out of here erased all good feelings i'd ever had.

but isabella rosselinni was the whole package - smart, creative, philanthropic, dated quirky men, acted in quirky movies. i loved her in blue velvet, white nights and cousins.  she also had brown hair and eyes, a round face, big lips. she cut her hair short, i cut my hair short. she wore red lipstick, i tried red lipstick. she was my epitome of a woman.

the reason i bring up isabella rossellini is because i saw her on madison avenue today. walking with a couple of shopping bags, she hailed a taxi. without a stitch of make up, this woman who is 57, was gorgeous. i honestly had not thought about her in many years, but seeing her reminded me of who i was when i first found her. a person in their 20s trying to fit in, stand out, make a life - brown hair and all.

wwcd:  it can be very comforting seeing the people who left a mark on us

mj

most people who are 51 years old do not wake up and know this is the day they're going to die. certainly not if they're healthy.  you may have your affairs in order, but you probably would have many things left unsaid to family and friends. so, how do we really live each day as if it were our last.....with nothing left unsaid?

i won't pass judgement on michael jackson and how he lived his life, but i will say that if you play with fire, you may get burned. it's sad that we've lost a pop icon at such a young age. i can't help but wonder, why someone with so much - and i'm talking about 3 children, 7 siblings,  countless nieces and nephews, and talent - would risk losing it all?

i'd like to think we can learn a little something from him. if we can make life and the people in our life valued enough so that not a day goes by that we don't treasure it and them, then we've learned something. it's easy when a tragedy takes place to turn your life around and make promises with all good intentions. it's often hard to keep up the momentum. we can only try to say what you have to say and do what you need to do. one day at a time.

wwcd: challenge yourself...that's what i'm doing with this blog and also with the rest of my life

i wish

i've done a lot of volunteering at zach's school over the last 9 years, but it or i have slowed down over the last year and a half. so when the parents association was looking for house parents in 8th grade, i volunteered. i figured it was the last year i could be a house parent, since they don't want us around in high school.  being an 8th grade house parent isn't very taxing. it really depends on the teacher and how much help they need.  you can coordinate parent volunteers for field trips, class breakfasts, etc.  but the best part is making and buying teacher gifts. the buying part is easy. the making part for 8th graders is another story.

it's easy when the kids were little...they would contribute pictures or drawings for books and art project gifts or make a ceramic sculpture of something cute.  but how to engage 13 and 14 year olds in a way that's interesting and not juvenile. didn't think hand prints on a plate would work -- their hands are way too big now.  and i didn't think a calendar with pictures of the class doing something fun for each month would be appropriate -- who takes pictures of 13 and 14 years olds like we did when they were 8? i'm not sure i really want to see everything they're doing.

i figured out that asking them to write one sentence would be something they could fit in between sports, music lessons, texting, homework, shopping, rehearsals, and parties. at least i hoped so. it took a while to figure out what to ask them to write, but i came up with an "i wish" sentence.  they could wish something for their teacher, family, friend, school, city, country or world. i have been surprised at the thoughtful responses i've received so far. they've hoped for peace, a greener world, health and happiness, and one of my favorites so far: i wish my teacher's child would let her sleep through the night.

wwcd: it's inspiring to hear what the next generation is hoping for...even if it's just a good nights sleep

friend or parent

when i was growing up my mother didn't want to be my friend, she wanted to be my mother. as i got older, the line blurred and we became friends. actually, as i think about my teen years, i remember a couple of friends' parents who blurred the lines, wanting to hang out with us. wanting to be cool, i assume.  at times we thought they were cool...the go-to parent when yours wouldn't listen, but in reality, these were not the parents you could go to and get good advice.

many parents i know now have allowed those lines to blur too early. i love my son, would do virtually anything for him, but i am not his friend.  i have his back and i'm his advocate, but i am not his friend. i want to set an example of good adult behavior. i want zach to know when i disapprove of his behavior or actions. i expect him to show the proper respect for adults when they act like adults.  i love the idea of zach having other adults - relatives, teachers, friends of mine - he trusts enough to confide in. i hope he chooses wisely.

he's a teenager now and is faced with and will be faced later on with more choices. i hope he continues to have his inner strength...the one who hasn't succumbed to peer pressure. i hope the pressure or condoning of inappropriate behavior doesn't come from parents who are just trying to be cool and blur the lines.

wwcd: i love being a mom and will always, and i look forward to a friendship with my son somewhere down the line