what the f#*k is curling?

as the olympics come to a close tonight, i continue to wonder about curling. what an odd sport and even odder to watch who participates. it was on every night or certainly every time i turned on nbc or msnbc. during the last 2 weeks, curling has been the butt of jokes on most late night talk shows, bill maher and last night on snl too. it's not like me to make fun of people or things or sports, but i haven't been able to control myself on this one. 

what's gotten me thinking about my reaction to this sport is what makes it ok to make fun of something or someone? where is that line we have all crossed at some point. it seems that when a majority of a group of people see humor, it's acceptable. that's great when you're part of the majority, but bites if you're not. it's hard to be part of a small group of people believing in something. being different. standing alone. i like when things are different and people are unique. i appreciate the creativity. 

it's sometimes necessary to step outside yourself. when i was in high school, i loved pushing the boundaries about being different - feeling unique. back in the 70s there was a line of products from an english company called mary quant. they made the most incredible nail polish colors. the metallic green and blue reminded me of sally bowles in cabaret and i loved wearing them (much to the chagrin of my mom). today i needed to step outside myself - and i'm enjoying looking at the metallic blue on my nails. no doubt my blue nails may be the butt of some jokes this week. (starting with the look from my mom at dinner tonight.)

wwcd: getting prepared to get what i gave

plan b

i was at a chinese new year celebration at zach's school last night and ran into one of my favorite parents. adrienne is the mom of more kids than i could ever fathom having and i am in awe of her and her husband. years ago i remember joking with him when she was pregnant with their 3rd or 4th that they needed a hobby. without missing a beat he said, "we have one," and smiled.

when i saw adrienne, i noticed she had all the kids with her and i said how wonderful it was that they brought them all to the event. adrienne looked at me and said, "this was plan b." we laughed and then i said, "my whole life is plan b." laughed again and i told her this would be the topic of my next blog.

my whole life really isn't my plan b, but did you expect your life to turn out this way? there are definitely elements of mine i totally wanted and hoped for and then there are the parts i never signed up for. i always knew i wanted a child and i got very lucky with that one. i started off in advertising and never thought i'd end up running the communications dept. for a school. and got very lucky there too. one plan a and one plan b and both are just as they should be.

wwcd:  plan a or plan b - as long as it works

i need a wife

i remember saying this years ago and every now and then i think about how great it would be to have a wife at home. i was the wife at home for 5 years and enjoyed most of it. i enjoyed spending time with zach in the park, going to classes, at the zoo, in the house, running the house, going to the gym, seeing friends, doing the marketing and making a feeble attempt at cooking. i loved the freedom of the day and the relatively stressless life i was living.

but then again, i love working -- the challenges, the people, the different daily routine, the financial freedom. i cannot imagine not working...at least not for the foreseeable future. but, i would love a wife at home who would be able to pick up where i would like to leave off. marketing, cooking, putting the laundry away, making sure what breaks is fixed. someone who basically has nothing but time to think about zach, the house and me.

if i thought a man could fill these shoes, that would truly make him very sought after. if i thought i had any inclinations to have a partner who is a woman, that might also make this a bit easier. i watch "big love" and am totally jealous of the husband who has all those wives...how easy on so many levels. the other solution i think may be of interest to some: have many friends live in the same building and share parenting responsibilities.

wwcd:  have always thought commune living answered so many of these questions

green with envy

i've always wondered why some people want what they don't have. whether it's coveting a house, a car, jewelry, or a spouse that or who belongs to someone else. people seem to think the grass is really greener elsewhere. you can be in a long term relationship - even unhappily - and sometimes that person looks more appealing if someone else shows interest. or if your spouse begins to pull away, they may suddenly seem more interesting and you may even start to appreciate them more. why is it that some people don't realize what they have when they have it and feel satisfied?

another version of that is wanting someone who doesn't want you or a wanting a relationship that isn't healthy. i think most of the people i know have been in that situation at some point. i know i  have and i question my motives often. why would i want someone who doesn't want me or want to be or stay in a bad relationship? the challenge, habit, boredom, laziness, fear of the unknown. all very unhealthy reasons. but for creatures of habit, not surprising.

of course the most enviable are those who have found happiness with their significant other, career, friends, family and their lives. i feel fortunate to have found that in my life with part of the list. it's amazing to have a career where you forget you're getting paid, and family and friends who can challenge and support you and make you laugh like no one else.

wwcd:  de-green the envy as it arises

blue skies

i had a little aha moment this evening. i was on my way to meet a friend for dinner and on 79th and madison i looked up at the sky. it was the most extraordinary dark blue that faded to a beautiful lighter blue as i looked west. i thought this sky was the brilliant night version of the morning sky of 9-11.

that thought brought me back to a very sad time which made me start thinking about how easy it is for a mood to change just because of a memory. so here's the aha part - i'm 50 and there's a boat load of memories trapped in my brain and they come popping out and into my consciousness whenever the time suits them. this can mean a lot of flux in a mood during one day, no? 

i often think i'm too sensitive and cry easily about someone else's pain. i don't even need to know them personally to feel upset. but tonight while looking at that amazing blue sky, i realized that i don't need to fight these feelings or hide these feelings or feel embarrassed by them. that's who i am. i don't need to make excuses. i do need to understand that an unexpected memory may change my mood. if it's to a happy memory all the better. 

wwcd:  just recognize it's a memory and not need to relive each minute of it

one year later

spent time with a friend i so enjoy. someone who is smart and funny and thoughtful with more good qualities than i can even list. level-headed and full of great advice. this time was a welcomed diversion. i sit here tonight knowing tomorrow is the one year anniversary of a very sad and tragic event. finding it hard to believe that a year has passed. feeling like my brain is being pulled in different directions.

there are some events where you can't find any positive. but from sad events sometimes come remarkable people and kind acts. i would like to focus my brain on the kindness of a community that makes me so proud to be a part of it. to know people who felt pain so deeply, but put aside that pain to care for a community in crisis. to see how one person can affect so many.

life is so precious.  trying to remember to appreciate it always.

wwcd:  the strength people possess never ceases to amaze

people are listening

a few weeks ago when conan o'brien stepped down, i wrote about the way he chose to end his show. he asked the viewers not to be cynical. i took a lot of heat for that blog. i heard that people felt conan had been cynical the whole week leading up to his departure. how could he then ask young people not to be and to understand that "if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen"?

i didn't see the contradiction. i didn't hear cynicism, i heard anger. conan didn't sound bitter, he sounded pissed off. i cannot imagine what it would be like to be promised something for 5 years, have it happen, and then have the rug pulled out. even with all of my positive musings, i would be pissed off too. 

what i do admire is that conan was able to go out with a positive message. it seems to have made an impact...cnn.com entertainment wrote about how many people have taken conan's words to heart. given the state of our economy and how easy it is to get sucked into mean spirited reality shows, movies, etc., i think conan should be proud of leaving like a gentleman and inspiring others to think about what example they set.

wwcd: it's not just about the amazing things that will happening...it's about being proud of who you are

happy v day and m-s too

one of my favorite quotes is attributed to buddha. i'm not a big quote person. i enjoy a good funny quote every now and then. a good george burns usually will make my day. but the average quote does not usually touch me or make me feel emotional. years ago i heard one that resonated. its message is so positive and so visual that i'm reminded of it often.

over the years this quote has reminded me of certain people in my life. the positive ones, the happy ones, the ones who have made a difference in my life and in other people's lives. the quote describes how one person can make a difference in so many lives. how one person can have endless impact. how this one person can bring joy and no matter how many people they bring it to, their own joy will not diminish.

in june 08 someone i admire greatly attributed the quote to me. thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. happiness never decreases by being shared. having loved this quote for so long made this moment even more overwhelming. aside from being the best parent i can be, being a happy person and a positive influence in people's lives is what i think is most important.

wwcd: wishing you happiness with a little extra for you to share

the doctor will see you now

i'm usually so good about making and keeping annual doctor appointments, but for some reason this year i cannot motivate. i know i should be excited about having my teeth scraped at the periodontist and my breasts shmushed for my mammogram and my cervix....ok, you get it. and this year i'm 50 and a new test gets added - the colonoscopy. hard to imagine why i'm not running to these appointments.

from a tender age, women are poked and prodded, shmushed and kneaded, and i'm just not in the mood. of course i will make the appointments, but i need a little time. maybe it's that i've been speaking with women about the interesting and sometimes odd relationships they have with their doctors. the intimate relationship a woman has with her doctor usually starts at a very young age with her first gynecologist. this relationship can make quite a lasting impression. i vividly remember my first gyno: middle aged, white man, who preached about abstaining until marriage. 

i was 16, far away from having sex and certainly not thinking about marriage. we were not a good match. after realizing this, my mother found a woman gyno who unfortunately was as cold as the speculum. the search was back on to find another doctor. i returned to the middle aged man model, but this time he had a sense of humor and a toupee. i stayed with him for many years and then decided that there is a reason why women gynecologists understand us better. for the last few years my gyno has been one of the funniest and smartest women i know and makes the poking and prodding part of the visit as pleasant as possible.

wwcd: start penciling in all the appointments

school will be open

it's amazing how these 4 little words can make happy children miserable and miserable parents happy. we had a snow day today in ny. this is not a common occurrence and one that is very welcomed by not only children, but teachers too. the fact that this snow day was decided at noon the day before and that it came before a long 4 day weekend, makes it even better. 

the mayor announced late this afternoon that public schools will open tomorrow. but it's still snowing. most private schools have already sent parents an email stating that school is open tomorrow. but it's still snowing. parents are doing the happy dance. but it's still snowing. the kids are so bummed.

alright...let's go with it. how great would it be to wake up tomorrow morning and have the city blanketed in snow? how great would it be to receive a 5:30am call saying school is closed thursday too? we could spend the day sledding in the park, throwing snowballs, watching movies under blankets on the couch, drinking hot chocolate....oh, wait a minute, i'm just dreaming....school is open.

wwcd: enjoy that we had the day, would have loved another, but it's only 2 days until the weekend!

she's just dangerous

we need to put sarah palin back in the box mccain let her out of. she incites. she's sarcastic. she's stupid.  she wants a revolution, not even knowing what that means. she's been in the news a lot recently and she stirs up memories of "w" and their dumb appeal or their appeal to the dumb.

it's insulting how much air time she receives and that she has rallied such a large group. i believe there's no way she'll make any real impact, but then i think of people in germany and what they thought of hitler. do i think she's another hitler? no, she's not smart enough to organize something of that magnitude, but i disagree with everything she believes. at least everything i've heard come out of her mouth.

when i heard her say in her snarky, sarcastic way, "how's that hopey, changey thing working for you?" i said a quiet prayer for obama. please deliver, please do whatever it takes to get it done. the whole idea of giving her additional ammunition sickens me. without hope, where are we? without brains, well without brains, i know where we'll be.  2 "w" years ago.

wwcd: i would help her take her lack of hopey, changey thing back to alaska

pollyanna

i think i'm finally learning how to cut my losses. i'm stubborn, believe that it all things work out in the end, good triumphs evil, love conquers all. basically i'm a romantic at heart, but to a fault. it takes me a long time to realize when a relationship isn't healthy or when people are without good intentions. 

i've often thought i've either not been burned enough which i have or i'm emotionally stunted more of a possibility. a wishful thinker or pollyanna? too many times i've let things and people linger longer than is necessary or healthy for me. i really do want to believe in the good in people. is it being raised on fairy tales that warped my view?

was it thinking prince charming was destined to walk in the door? or a knight in shining armor was going to break into the castle? was i supposed to grow my hair long and hang it off the terrace? or would 7 little men wake me up? hmmmm, that's kind of interesting! all that being said, it's hard not to think fairy tales made an impact on my view of realistic or non-realistic relationships.

wwcd: figure it out earlier even if they're not dressed like a wolf

not if, when

i'm trying to wrap my brain around the need for our government to let us know that a terrorist attack is imminent. within 3 months we can expect to be attacked. al qaeda isn't spending their time on multiple-locations-at-one-time attacks, but on one-off ones. as someone who lived in new york city on 9-11, is that supposed to make me feel better? i don't understand - it's not as if we can prevent it... 

i remember september 11th as if it were yesterday. i remember the weather, the color of the sky, what i was doing, the sounds of the morning and the smell days later. it was zach's second day at dalton's kindergarten. i was at work and had no idea the world was exploding until tanya called me screaming. for those of you who don't know tanya, she is my oldest friend and her scream is utterly terrifying. she told me about the trade center being hit and then called back about the second building.  and once i heard the pentagon was struck, i went to pick up zach.

we took a taxi down park and saw above the pan am (met life) building this incredibly thick, black, horrifying smoke. we all know what happened in the hours, days and weeks that followed. unfortunately or fortunately i remember it all and i hope i always do - at the very least out of respect for those who died for nothing more than going to work, traveling somewhere....being in the wrong place at the wrong time. and one of the other parts i want to remember too is how nice people were in new york city in the weeks after. it was all so surreal.

wwcd: live expecting the world not to end

your back at work

most women i've met in business are not great mentors. it's not something that we were ever taught. many of us didn't play team sports and that's a natural place to learn some of these skills. i danced and even though you work together as a group at times, it's not the same dynamic as a team. so why isn't this a skill that is promoted at school? gone are the days of home ec. and since over 75% of women 25-54 work, this would seem like an important bit of knowledge to learn.

i've often wished i had a mentor - i have been a mentor to a few women and enjoyed it immensely. how great would it be to have someone you trust - who has your back - can bounce an idea off of - and brainstorm with? the role is quite similar with that of teacher, i imagine. it's about being inspiring. modeling a certain type of behavior, but most importantly teaching. i have women in my group of friends who i consider life mentors that i go to with questions about work, parenting, health (mental and physical) - but not a mentor in the typical description.

we - women - are an interesting group. competitive. masters of maneuvering. smart. jugglers of tasks. you have to be very secure to be able to help others and enjoy their success. and probably have needed to have fought many battles throughout your career. each generation of women has had less and less to fight for. we can vote. for the first time in history, we outnumber men in the work force. we're getting closer to being paid the same as men for similar jobs. we have the same headaches as men and probably more. i hope the generation entering the work force now will see the benefits of having a team.

wwcd: teach + learn more life skills earlier in life

brain balancing

on one hand it's been slow and on the other hand, well, the other hand is too busy to stop and see what's on it! i like to think i'm organized and pace myself. i'm either not very good at it or the flow of work has an unfortunate rhythm. it's also been challenging balancing different types of projects which use different parts of my brain. the creative v. the logical

the creative part never ceases to amaze me with its problem solving ability. just when i think i'm at a loss for a solution, i see the light go off and it illuminates an answer. not exactly sure what i would do if that light didn't go off. i can't imagine how i'd feel not being able to find a creative solution to a problem. it's certainly not always easy and some solutions i like more than others. but i love the challenge.

the organized and managerial part of my brain has spent a lot of time trying to hone diplomatic skills and at times i feel more like a politician. i pour energy into a presentation...knowing that choosing some words, tone and strategy will either bring success or failure. i think with a strong argument and the proper presentation you can sell most ideas. it's a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. different than the creative solution feeling, but equally rewarding.

wwcd: continue having the right side challenge the left...or vice versa

$7K

i'm reading cnn.com yesterday. something i do every day -- even several times a day. there is usually substantive news and then, under entertainment, there is the odd or snarky or hard to believe news story. well, today took it all to a new height. a life-like, siliconed-skin, multi-personalitied doll to have sex with. and to own it costs 7 thousand dollars. seriously?

i was on the phone with a friend when i found the story. i began reading it to her and we were laughing so hard i was crying. the doll's name is roxxxy. pretty clever that triple x in her name, huh?  and you can call her by one of her 5 other personality names: nora nympho, susie skank, felicia ... you get the idea. how odd has life become that you would want to part with 7 thousand dollars so you can have sex with a doll? ok, her skin is kept warm to the touch, her battery lasts 3 hours and she can contort herself shamelessly.

so, where will i find the positive in this you might be asking about now? who's to question love or lust? who's to question someone's type? not i. it's apparently aimed at shy, awkward or older men who have trouble meeting women. how about husbands who prefer a quiet woman or men who travel a lot or who are tired of j date?

wwcd: here goes -- there's someone for everyone

murder on madison

i just walked by the jewelry store where a murder and robbery was committed earlier this week. it's a very unusual occurrence in this neighborhood. it took place at 12:20 - right in the middle of the day - when 3 guys must have been bustling with parents and children eating lunch. hewitt is right down the block and the girls were probably in the middle of their lunch too. hotel guests at the carlyle may have been standing outside waiting for a car or just starting a walk down madison. visitors to the whitney may have even seen the murderer enter or leave the shop.

a man entered the store and asked the two shopkeepers to fill his canvas bags with jewelry. the older of the two said no. it's only jewelry. the robber then pulled out a gun and asked if they thought he was kidding. he wasn't. he shot the older shopkeeper and filled his bags with jewelry. he then left the store, went across madison to 75th street and then down and across 73rd street. a man with a gun who had just shot someone was walking by a museum, a school and many people on the street. 

the shopkeeper was taken to lenox hill hospital where he died.  for jewelry. there are "wanted" signs all over the neighborhood with a police sketch of the man. he's wearing a hat, glasses and a scarf around his face. not too likely he'll be found because of this sketch...hopefully when he tries to sell the jewelry valued at a few million dollars. 

this unfortunate event has given me another opportunity to talk with zach about what we value and what to do if you're confronted by a mugger. stay calm, hand over whatever they ask for and help your friends. i can't imagine being in that moment. i'd like to think i wouldn't care about a watch or a wallet.

wwcd: things are replaceable, people we love aren't