kim and ingrid

i often wonder what the human spirit can endure. the miners trapped underground, those held hostage for days or weeks or years at a time, being the parent of an abducted child, watching a love one suffer, being the last surviving member of your family. each scenario is painfully unimaginable, yet people go on to live their lives after the unimaginable.

so many people have such strong constitutions and the desire to live. when i read or hear about a person who has survived the unimaginable, to juxtapose it with the person who finds the smallest of challenges a nightmare, is what keeps it all in perspective for me. i almost never use the word nightmare in fear of facing a real nightmare at some point. because then what would i call that?

early last week i listened to ingrid betancourt on oprah discuss her book, even silence has an end, and later on in the week i went to a cocktail party in honor of an old friend's new book, i just lately started buying wings. two completely different life stories, but both faced with unimaginable pain. watching ingrid and seeing kim each looking like they have conquered the world was comforting. i like knowing that it's possible to overcome so much and still have the ability to go on.

wwcd: continue to add to my group of role models who inspire me

the day that changed my life

15 years ago today you were born. had someone told me being a mom would be this great, i would have definitely started earlier. i've loved each day and have never laughed, worried or cried as much as i have since september 23, 1995. 

i remember the pregnancy being pretty uneventful. a little gas here, a little carpal tunnel there and a house that was kept at a brisk 65 degrees. august was the hottest month. from the moment you arrived, i knew being a mom was what i was meant to be and i was very lucky because you made it so easy.

it's been an amazing 15 years and for some reason these memories are surfacing today:

- if the terrible 2s was about you learning not to push over every child you saw, well, we all survived that with a few timeouts. even those unlucky enough to be pushed.

- when you didn't want me to leave you at pre-school,  i listened to your teacher, ms. debono, when she said just sit outside the classroom on one of those tiny chairs and zach will let you know when he feels ok to be here by himself. after an uncomfortable 6 weeks, you did it with a quick slam of the classroom door. 

- i remember you wanting to be first every morning at the first program's red door and saying goodbye without looking back. and how tall you'd grown by the time you finished 3rd grade and ready for 89th street.

- learning to ride your 2-wheeler without training wheels in the basketball court. i'll never forget that smile on your face when you finally did it.

- making me so incredibly proud at every parent-teacher conference and confirming each time you're where you should be.

- and when lucy joined our family and her excitement when you come home - even if you've only been gone a few minutes.

- being in awe when you balanced continuing with mandarin and learning hebrew in the same year for your bar mitzvah.

there are many more memories and i'm not sure why these are the ones coming to mind today, but i'm enjoying thinking about those times again.  happy birthday, zach!

wwcd: looking forward to the next 15 years and all of the new and amazing memories that i'll have

mike is my marlboro man

i usually walk in the morning. less noise. less people. less traffic. and apparently less smokers. today i walked late in the day - actually it was evening rush hour - and i couldn't get over how noisy and busy the gas fume-filled streets were. the worst of it all was how many smokers were out on the street at that time. there were at least 3 per block and i walked 60 blocks. started feeling like i was smoking again.

i hear that mike bloomberg - nyc's lame duck mayor who might try to push through as many controversial ideas as possible before he leaves office - has backed extending the smoking ban to include public parks and beaches. what would it take for him to include sidewalks?

i know, i know, i smoked until 7 years ago and i infuriated my share of non-smokers with my habit. i'm now an unforgiving convert....and as my mother would say, "converts are the worst." what i can't get over is how selfish a habit smoking is. the only other legal vice that impacts others to this degree - by possibly causing health issues or death - is driving drunk. one is just more obviously dramatic, but the end result is quite similar.

wwcd:  wondering why bloomberg can't ban cigarettes instead of smoking

think globally + act locally

it's hard to think or say america should not help countries in need of support. whether it's with money, food or military assistance. if i could, i would help the world, seriously, i would really help the world. but i know that i can make more of an impact if i look locally. if we all thought about our local, imagine how powerful an impact we could make...in our neighborhood.

but i keep thinking about america rebuilding itself in order to have the resources, manpower and stamina to really help the world. we all know what it feels like to be out of resources and strength. when you're not functioning at at 100%, it's hard to rally. america is not running close to 100%. i think it might be our time to pull back and regain strength so that we can be healthy to help.

and how about if each city takes this responsibility on seriously and forcefully? new york city is fortunate to have the robin hood foundation which finds and funds the best programs to fight poverty in nyc. and 100% of what you give goes directly to programs helping to fight poverty. so doesn't every city need robin hood?

                                    

wwcd: shamelessly promote an amazing organization

it doesn't take very much

my friend stephanie recommended a documentary on hbo called a small act. i dvred it, but it took me a while to find time to watch it. this morning seemed like the perfect, quiet time to give it my undivided attention. stephanie knew this film would be something i would want to see. a film that captures so much of what i believe - that it doesn't take grand gestures to make a difference in someone's life.

if everyone made the decision to make a difference in someone's life, how powerful would that be? a small act is about a swedish woman named hilde back and how her small, anonymous act of sponsoring a young, kenyan student made a difference. that young man, chris mburu, went on to graduate from college and harvard law school to become a human rights lawyer. but what goes around comes around. in 2001, chris started his own scholarship program to help kenyan children to complete primary and secondary school, named for his benefactor, hilde back education fund. 

many of us think change is about the big gestures and if you're not able to make those big gestures, the small ones don't make a difference. hilde's act proves that wrong. the small act can be something personal -- making a difference at home with your family, at work, at school, your neighborhood. or you can be anonymous and make a difference in another part of the world. at home or across an ocean, there is great need.

wwcd: i've never given my time or money and not gotten back more

it's just a cup of coffee

earlier today i was behind a woman in pain quotidien who was ordering a cup of coffee. that one cup of coffee took longer than necessary. size of cup, type of milk, type of bag - it went on and on. after paying, she went over to the table that holds sugars, napkins and other stuff and then complained she couldn't find a sleeve for the cup. i can't get over how needy people have become. damn, it's just a cup of coffee.

i blame burger king's 1970s campaign have it your way. i think this may have started people thinking that everything can actually be their way. in the late 80s we met sally in the movie when harry met sally. the character of sally was one of the most high maintenance women ever depicted in a movie. no meal was ordered without specific instructions as to how she'd like it. but truly the biggest culprit of all is starbucks. even though they started serving coffee in the early 70s, i really doubt buyers had the choice short, tall, grande or venti, 1/2-caf, skim latte until the 90s. omfg, it's just a cup of coffee.

how did we become so needy that outside of our own home and family we expect people to care this much about us? maybe it's the $4 or $5 we pay for each cup of coffee that makes us more entitled. or maybe the commercials and movies have trained us to feel this way. or maybe we've just lost some perspective of what's really important and the cup of coffee receives the same attention to detail that say a career would have in the past. coffee...career...career...coffee. i can see how the two have gotten confused.

wwcd: i'm making "perspective" the word of 5771

the ties that bind

i was at a dinner last weekend and there were about 17 people all of whom were connected to dalton except one couple. there were 3 current high school students, 5 alums, 9 current parents and 2 current parents who are also alums. it felt like an odd reunion of some sort. dalton immediately tied our lives and memories together. and even though we all shared many different types of memories, the fact that was important was we each had this commonality.

usually people sort by job or children or interest. this dinner guest list sorted by K-12 academic institution and the many different ways to be affiliated. we were just missing someone on the faculty! we talked about curriculum, teachers we each had - and some of the kids still have, drivers ed, and how funny it was that we each had this connection. the dinner wasn't planned around dalton or being a parent. a simple and enjoyable coincidence.

what strikes me is that i've always felt that even after graduating 33 years ago, i wouldn't hesitate to pick up the phone and call almost anyone from my class. there is a bind that ties you to your childhood and all those memories make such an impact. those years, and especially high school years, make an indelible imprint. the ups and downs of friendships. puberty. the faculty who were tough or kind or tough and kind. sats, college applications and graduation.

wwcd: appreciating the ability to look back and enjoy the memories