the smell of it

i keep writing about being positive and putting only the good out there and yet i haven't been very nice to my mother lately. i'm can be helpful and am usually thoughtful, but i've been short tempered and i just realized why. i truly thought i was reacting to having to repeat myself because she asks the same question and doesn't listen to the answer. and i thought it might be our differing need of understanding why things happen or don't when it comes to the computer. but it's not either of those reasons.

it's my frustration with her smoking. how crazy is it that i smoked for many years and probably wasn't the most thoughtful smoker, and now 6 years after quitting i'm disgusted with the habit? i only know 2 people who smoke. i walk around people who smoke on the street. i also want to approach teens i see smoking and explain how hard it will be to quit - but stop myself cause i know what i would have thought if an adult had said anything to me when i was that age.

i'm upset and even angry that i don't feel comfortable spending time at my mom's home, which happens to be in the same building where i live. she's very helpful and takes my dog, lucy, in the afternoon to have a play date with her dog. but lucy comes back smelling of smoke which gets me crazy....as does knowing that lucy is getting sick from the smoke. and so is my mom.

wwcd:  find a way of accepting, not judging mom - otherwise i'll miss out on mom

that time in my life

i just finished reading a book written by an old friend. it was a biography, but a biography about his famous friend's career that covered a stretch beginning in the late 70s. coincidentally, this is when i knew the author, so the beginning of the book is laced with a few familiar references. as i read each small mention, they triggered vivid memories of that time in my life. a red pick-up truck, a small town, the do-drop-in.

i was 19 in the late 70s and busy experiencing all new york had to offer and making connections with so many different types of people. what's incredible to me is how many of these people are still in my life. certainly not all on a day-to-day basis, but definitely in a way that i would not hesitate to pick up the phone. i'm sure there are a few who fell to the side, but not too many of them are coming to mind.

the people who remain in my life are pretty special. seeing the adults they've grown into - whether year-by-year or fast forwarded 30 years - has been a comforting feeling. some have been faced with a lot of adversity, career changes, divorces, many are parents, some have children with learning disabilities, several have buried their parents or faced health issues themselves. the common thread i find is they all still have a positive outlook. just feeling very fortunate to have these people in my life.

wwcd: is it as simple as attracting what you put out there?

keeping up

because of my job and the fact that i have a 14 year old son, i need to keep up with technology. specifically, new applications, social networking sites and how to monitor information coming into our home computers. the truth is, i enjoy this. i think i enjoy it because i'm not afraid of new technology and trust it. growing up, i vividly remember my mother not trusting the calculator. she had the ability to solve problems quickly in her head, and needless to say, the calculator always made a mistake. it was technology's fault.

but i digress...the point is, accepting or welcoming change seems to get more difficult as we get older. i'm not a tech whiz by any means - but i'm thoroughly excited by all the new technological possibilities available. i love facebook and linkedin...the jury is still out on twitter. i've come to love blogs and follow several. when francis bacon said, knowledge is power i would have liked the next thought to be: and then fear disappears.

we are living in a world with information available 24/7. with the technology to speak with people face-to-face online at no cost. with the ability to write something in an email or post on facebook that will hurt another person or your future, or just make you look foolish. we are dealing with very powerful tools and as adults we make mistakes. we need to learn as much as we can to try to avoid these mistakes. more importantly, we need to learn about it so we can teach children or at least be able to answer their questions. not allowing children to take advantage of the positives, with the hope that they will then avoid the negatives, is not keeping up.

some helpful tips that you can discuss with your kids:

- when posting a status update on facebook, think: would i say this out loud to the principal at my school?

- when choosing a picture of yourself to put online, think: would my grandparents be proud to show it to their friends?

- when writing an email that is slightly controversial, pick up the phone or speak in person.

wwcd: as a parent it's a choice not to like new music, but it's a waste to withhold the future

sundays

sundays are tough for some. sundays after two weeks off for winter break are tough for many. as much as i enjoy my time off and a break from life's routines, i love routines and schedules and my to-do lists. i also prefer when zach has a schedule and things to do. don't misunderstand, i don't think he or we need to be over-scheduled, but i prefer structure.

i'm now feeling kind of bad. so many of my friends and their kids prefer the lack of schedule. maybe it's that they don't completely enjoy their typical routines or school and this makes sundays particularly difficult. i do get it, but i also think that not every single part of life is supposed to bring complete and utter joy. if it did, could we really live in a constant state of total happiness, always? i prefer the balance of both - it's my perspective keeper.

i wonder if as adults we're just remembering that feeling we had as kids of the impending doom of school on monday. maybe we can change this pattern for ourselves and even our kids and look at sundays as the reality check. if sunday is as bad or as sad as we feel during the week, that's pretty amazing.

wwcd: i'm going to start posting the blog to fb on sundays and start the week off on a positive note

controlling the uncontrollable

i love numbers and am fascinated with their coincidences. i was born on 7-7-59, turned 18 on 7-7-77 and then turned 48 on 7-7-07. i chose to have zach's bar mitzvah on 10-18-08 because it was a double chai and thought that would bring him double luck. and today is 01-01-10 - all those zeros and ones makes it feel like a new beginning.

i'm also a sucker for astrology. i love being a cancer, with all the traits of a cancerian, and many of my friends are cancers too. when i was in my teens and 20s, i poured over horoscopes, went to astrologers and would find significance in these messages. it would be easy to believe that something or someone planned my life and that should allow me to sit back and wait for life to come to me.

as an adult i don't relinquish control in my life, but somewhere in my brain i do feel as though some things in our life are already planned. the part we do control is how we decide to live our life. do we live with goodness in our heart? do we appreciate what we have? do we try to set a good example for our children and others? i completely believe that what you put out there comes back to you. the good and the bad. it may not be immediate, but eventually it does come around.

wwcd: on this first day of a new year and decade, i plan to put only the good out