acceptable bullying

what an oxymoron. i'm mentioning ahead of time that i'm feeling very opinionated when it comes to this topic. i just read the times coverage on the story about the high school student in south hadley, ma who killed herself because she was being bullied. relentlessly bullied. the difference here is that 9 kids have been charged with everything from stalking, harassment to statutory rape. some school administrators and teachers are also under scrutiny for not doing enough to stop the emotional and physical attacks on this 15 year old girl.

my first questions - what kind of a world do we live in where a teenager would feel so tortured by another person or group that they would kill themselves? what happened to parenting and teaching values and compassion and proper behavior? are the poor examples that are so very evident on tv, the internet and in movies gotten so completely out of hand that kids don't understand reality from fantasy? we wonder why the word snarky is used so much and it seems to me that many teenagers today exemplify the very definition. some are so ill- mannered, disrespectful and entitled that some parents have given up. unfortunately, this is not an option.

years ago after reading another story along the lines of this one in south hadley, i began wondering what would happen if parents were held responsible for the actions of their minor children. parents would suffer consequences, get fined, perform community service, and if necessary go to jail. it seems so drastic, but it seems so necessary. once a year mandatory parent education might be the place to start as a preventive step.

wwcd: sometimes drastic actions are the only solution to an untenable situation

unexpected memories

i love when a day takes an unexpected turn. zach and i had plans to see tracey today. she was one of zach's kindergarten teachers 8 years ago. she now lives in california, but was in ny with her husband and son on their way to st. martin for vacation. we made last minute plans to meet up for a bit saturday morning. zach and i got up this morning and for the first time did the 6 mile loop in central park together. what a pleasure having almost 2 hours of uninterrupted time with him. 

we went over to see tracey late morning and only planned on staying a little while, but found a big surprise when we arrived. zach's other kindergarten teacher, peggy, was there. tracey left dalton about 5 years ago to have a baby and peggy retired about 3 years ago. they both looked the same -- peggy was very animated and it was great seeing tracey with her very sweet and adorable son. so many things have changed, yet it felt as if no time had passed. we started a little reminiscing and spent a lot of time on the kindergarten year. 

it was such a big year in my life - zach started at dalton, it was september 2001 and the world was about to change, and i separated from my husband one month later. truly a monumental time. out of my mouth came the memory of 9/11 being the second day of school and i said to peggy how amazing she was during that time. i remembered her being so kind and caring with the kids and the parents. and then i was overwhelmed with tears and the memories of being so scared and feeling unsafe. it's so easy for me go back to that day so quickly and feel so much of what i felt then. zach was sweet and gave me a hug. 

wwcd: to be taken off guard with such a vivid memory is sometimes scary, but having peggy and tracey around made it ok...like it did then

the staycation

this is the first spring break in a while that i haven't gone away. for a variety of reasons, it didn't seem to be the year to leave the city. instead, i'm visiting the city...new york city. i worked pretty much most of the first week of break, saw a bunch of friends, went out for lunches and dinners, sat on the steps of the met with a friend and laughed about doing the same thing in high school, saw a couple of movies, and walked my butt off. the weather was beautiful.

the plan for this week, the second week, is broadway with a quick stop off broadway first. apparently, every year i say to zach that i should take him to stomp since he loves percussion. and every year i forget. well, this sunday i'm finally making good on it. a friend is coming in from the beach with her 2 boys and i'm taking the 3 boys to stomp. 3 teenage boys and loud banging should go together perfectly.

broadway bound on monday beginning with american idiot. another teen dream come true...the music of green day set to a story. by wednesday we go back in time - to an era that's more mine - when we're seeing the addams family. morticia and gomez, lurch and cousin it, wednesday and pugsley, uncle fester and grandmama...my fingers are already starting to snap. the week ends with a real ny moment. we're going to the opening of a friend's play, red. zach's first broadway opening. pretty cool. 

wwcd: this staycation has reminded me that we already live in an amazing city and really appreciating it makes it more special

a walk down memory lane

i've lived in ny all of my life and feel like i literally have so many memories on so many blocks. i now live 5 blocks from where i lived when i was 12 years old. i miss the trans lux 85th street movie theater and the madison deli and baskin and robbins and the madison pub. i do like that dean and deluca replaced christedes. philips florist is still on 85th street. meyrowitz has been replaced by purdys for better or worse. it's a strange feeling living in the same neighborhood...a little bit comforting, a little bit odd.

i was walking down fifth the other morning and was amazed how in a relatively short walk, my mind was flooded with memories. i only walked from 86th to 57th and fifth and back, but my mind wandered to when i was born and lived at 860. the building is right across from the playground that i took zach to years later. my grandparents and great uncle lived up the block at 875. as i walked further down fifth and got to 57th street, i looked up at louis vuitton and could still see the location of my office at wb. i vividly remember looking out my window and seeing the christmas snowflake strung from corner to corner.

here it is years later and my son attends the school i did, we live 5 blocks from from where i grew up, and my mom lives in the same building we do. am i trying to repeat history by giving zach what i had? it was a great place to grow up - living so close to school, surrounded by museums, 1 block from central park. and then again, i would have also loved to move to westport when zach was 2 and had him grow up in the country with a backyard, lots of space and open skies.

wwcd: i love living in the present version of my neighborhood, but enjoy reminiscing

put me over the edge

i read fast food nation a couple of years ago and chew on this with zach, but watching food inc has really hammered it home. this country grows, slaughters, produces and sells something that is called food, but it is far from anything resembling the real thing. if you've been reading this blog, you know that for the past 7 weeks i've been eating healthier....a non-processed, locally grown, organic, sodaless, meatless and chickenless diet. mostly veggies, lots of fruits, etc. and no fake food.

i've gone through many changes since i started on this journey. some are things i expected, others i did not. i expected to feel much better and i do. i didn't expect to become so disgusted with our country's idea of food, lack of quality and caring about people and animals. that allowing the spread of salmonella is accepted. that using bleach to clean chickens is ok. that feeding animals corn and fillers is now just what they eat. and then we're supposed to eat this so-called food?

the concept of "voting" 3 times a day when you cook a meal is powerful. that shopping for local and organic when you're in the market should be the goal. the fact that it costs more to eat healthy is outrageous. and education is so needed in communities where diseases like diabetes are rampant. and in these neighborhoods, it's easier and cheaper to eat a $1 meal at mcdonald's than healthy food.

wwcd: tomorrow we'll hopefully have universal healthcare - how about nutrition education next?

they're not naked

ever since i can remember, i have disliked speaking in public. actually, it's more like i feared it. despised it and tried to avoid it at all cost. about 5 years ago, when i was the head of the parents association at zach's school, i had to give speeches. honestly, had i known that was part of the job, i would have bowed out immediately. but what i learned is that challenging yourself is a good thing.

each time i had to speak publicly, i thought it would get easier. it didn't. i tried picturing everyone in the audience naked. that didn't relax me - it just made me anxious. i tried relaxation breathing and actually thought i would hyperventilate. lastly, i got angry at the omission of public speaking in my education. of course, the irony being that i was speaking in the very school where this omission took place. was the school making up for it 30 years later?

when i retired from the parents association and spoke at the last meeting i was so happy this part of the job was over. after 3 years of speaking at meetings it wasn't as bad as the first time, but i never got to the point where i really enjoyed it. so here i am 2 years later and have to speak briefly tomorrow at a pa meeting about a committee i chair. i still feel a bit anxious. someone said to me: knowing you have something meaningful to say should carry you through the anxiety.

wwcd: naked, breathing, meaningful....something will get me through tomorrow

how to motivate

i read the most interesting article in the new yorker recently and reposted it on facebook curious to hear what others thought. it was about a wealthy family who, after being urged on by their daughter, sold their home and donated 1/2 the profits to a village in ghana. it's a story i find incredibly inspiring. it's also a story that made me look inside and really think about how much of any one thing you really need. 

how many pairs of black shoes do you need? does the $150k car get you where you want to go at the same speed as the $50k car? it's all relative. we're a lucky group and many of us don't seem to know that with all of this luck and fortune comes responsibility. growing up i used to hear that we as jews were expected to donate 10% of our yearly income. 10% seems like a doable amount. 50% of the value of your home seems nothing less than extraordinary. but what an unbelievable example to set for your friends and children. 

so if you think this is a good idea, where do you start? not everyone is going to sell their home. but even a small act goes far. the responses i received to posting the article on facebook varied from why can't more people be like that? or why can't we donate our money where it's needed in our country? i'd like to think we could marry these two comments. it would great if each of us looked around our neighborhood, city, state or country and found an organization doing meaningful work and support it to whatever extent possible. wouldn't it be great to see our country grow stronger so that we could really help other countries.

wwcd: once you decide to get involved, you will find need in many local places

i drank the kool-aid

this is the first time since starting the blog that i've taken a whole week off. i haven't been on vacation, but doing a lot of thinking. so many different ideas for the blog have come to mind, but i haven't really felt like writing. part of what i'm feeling is selfishness. feeling pulled in too many directions and trying to keep promises i've made to myself. i know one of those promises has been to write. unfortunately, that has not gotten my attention this week. neither has speaking with friends and i'm trying to make up for that this weekend.

i've certainly kept up with being mom, since that is the nonnegotiable first priority, and of course the craziness at work. i'm happy to say that the commitment i've made to put me first is still working too. getting myself out of bed to either walk, climb stairs or do sit ups is still happening daily. so is only eating organic, meatless, balanced and healthy meals. besides me, candle 79 is definitely reaping the benefit of my commitment. if i could only learn how to cook that way...

it's said that to change a negative behavior takes practicing the new behavior for several weeks. i think it's more about making the mental commitment first and the repetition comes second. it's also about being serious and honoring the promise. for me, this time has meant rethinking my actions, planning my time and our menus, and enjoying the whole process. even enjoying it when i'm tired and would rather lie on the couch and call in for dinner. it's about making short term goals, celebrating them and continuing to focus on the long term goals. and it's also about thanking your guardian angel.

wwcd: it's about making yourself an important part of your life

changing it up for 100

i'm 6 posts away from hitting 100 and i want to update the look of this page. it feels like it's time for a change. for those of you who started reading it from the beginning, you might remember the black background before i changed it to the current blue. i've really liked the blue...it's calming to look at while reading, but it feels dark now. maybe it's that spring is in the air. this weekend in ny was beautiful, perfect blue skies and warmer weather. 

i spent so much time outdoors today that falling asleep early will not be an option. i walked 7 miles again today and could have spent even more time in the park. and now i'm getting ready to watch the oscars - am still watching the snarky e red carpet show (but did see maria in her red dress walking with michael!). i'm hoping i can stay up, but think the dvr will work overtime tonight and i'll catch up tomorrow. i don't need to experience this live. omg it's only 8pm and i'm ready to get into bed right now!

but back to the face lift for this page. on the wwcd facebook page i started a wwyd (what would you do) section. still working out how best to use it, but would love your thoughts on the look of this page. i'm thinking white background with orange or turquoise graphics....black type. totally open to and would love to hear your thoughts and comments. 

wwyd: either let me know which movie you want for best picture or what color you want for this page

ted-ish

earlier today i attended an all day TEDish event. i say ish because it wasn't sponsored by TED, but sanctioned and run in a similar fashion. the purpose of the day was to hear what the role of new media and technology has in shaping the future of education. this topic either inspires you or makes you feel real old! it was an incredible line up of speakers. many teachers, some entrepreneurs, a few journalists. all interesting to hear.

my favorite speaker was the last one...and after an 8 hour day, i was ready for it to end. but he was well worth staying to hear. chris lehmann is the founding principal of the science leadership academy in philadelphia. he was very passionate about teaching and the kids. he had so many wise and thoughtful and inspiring comments. "empower the kids. it is their education and it will be their world." 

the kids are many technological steps ahead of their schools at this point. they have embraced all of this technology and new media...and we're beats behind. too busy being fearful and questioning. we have to make sure they are learning what "they" will need and learning it in the way "they" learn best. using the tools "they" use. schools need to become more electronic - time to bury the text books and paper planners. the electronic versions are just as good, if not better. this is the reality "they" are learning and growing in.   http://tedxnyed.com/

wwcd: if we don't stay current, we run the risk of becoming obsolete

families

i realized the other day that if zach and i wanted to see my immediate family for brunch, it could take 6 weeks to see all of them. keep in mind, he's with me every other weekend. but even if it were every weekend, it could still take 3 weeks. oh, we do not have a big family - my mother, stepfather, brother along with his family, and sister along with her family. she lives in another state and therefore exempt from the brunch circuit. 

i have a family that just doesn't speak to each other. so not only is getting together potentially very time consuming, it also reminds me how dysfunctional we've become. it's hard to believe that a once happy family came apart 14 years ago. i know this happens in families, i've heard so many stories. but i keep thinking that time just passes and wounds don't heal. i don't understand grudges.

there are many unfortunate parts to this story: one being in my already very demanding life it takes all this time to see each member of my family, another is the inability for us to celebrate events as a family, and the saddest is missing out on all the possible memories. the every day boring ones. we have individual memories, but zach has no memories of us together as a whole family. never in my wildest imagination would i have thought this would happen.

wwcd: i don't usually add a quote here...but i could not have said it better. "get mad, then get over it." colin powell

not sure why

it was a kind of typical tuesday morning: woke at 6, up and down the stairs too many times to breathe, and then a 2 mile walk with lucy. on my way back down madison from 96th street i passed a cluster of policemen surrounding a car. this is not a typical tuesday occurrence on 86th and madison - especially at 7:30 in the morning.

out of the car steps a young black man who showed the police that he was holding an iphone. he was then handcuffed. i found myself getting upset. i'm not sure if it was because of the expression of disbelief on the young man's face, the hour of the morning, seeing something i'm unacustomed to seeing. but i felt myself standing 1/2 a block away crying.

as part of the work i'm doing for community life + diversity, i read a book last night that's meant for lower school kids. the book was about a young black boy accused of stealing. the book made me feel so uncomfortable and i wondered how a young child would process the information. it was stereotyping a group of people while trying to teach a lesson about making assumptions.

this morning that young man in the car may have stolen something, but it made me think that the police might be stereotyping and making assumptions. the only visible diversity i have is being a woman and i cannot imagine what it must be like on a day-to-day basis if it were skin color.

wwcd: teaching kids about empathy is important, but feeling it is more