ever since i can remember, i have disliked speaking in public. actually, it's more like i feared it. despised it and tried to avoid it at all cost. about 5 years ago, when i was the head of the parents association at zach's school, i had to give speeches. honestly, had i known that was part of the job, i would have bowed out immediately. but what i learned is that challenging yourself is a good thing.
each time i had to speak publicly, i thought it would get easier. it didn't. i tried picturing everyone in the audience naked. that didn't relax me - it just made me anxious. i tried relaxation breathing and actually thought i would hyperventilate. lastly, i got angry at the omission of public speaking in my education. of course, the irony being that i was speaking in the very school where this omission took place. was the school making up for it 30 years later?
each time i had to speak publicly, i thought it would get easier. it didn't. i tried picturing everyone in the audience naked. that didn't relax me - it just made me anxious. i tried relaxation breathing and actually thought i would hyperventilate. lastly, i got angry at the omission of public speaking in my education. of course, the irony being that i was speaking in the very school where this omission took place. was the school making up for it 30 years later?
when i retired from the parents association and spoke at the last meeting i was so happy this part of the job was over. after 3 years of speaking at meetings it wasn't as bad as the first time, but i never got to the point where i really enjoyed it. so here i am 2 years later and have to speak briefly tomorrow at a pa meeting about a committee i chair. i still feel a bit anxious. someone said to me: knowing you have something meaningful to say should carry you through the anxiety.
wwcd: naked, breathing, meaningful....something will get me through tomorrow
anxious or not, I'm so glad that you do speak out publicly, because all of us who hear it benefit from it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words.
I NEVER knew it was so hard for you. I witnessed many of your speeches/appearances. You always seemed comfortable, easy and in control. Maybe there is some comfort in knowing that whatever is going on inside you - it is not so visible to the "naked eye." I always enjoyed hearing you speak. And thought you were good.
ReplyDeleteOh - and as a parent of a formerly extremely shy child who now ROUTINELY and easily speaks to large groups of people (former MS president, current debater) - the school definitely does a better job of it now.
for me there was always something honest and earnest in your public speaking - that you weren't there because you thought we all ought to be listening to what you have to say, but rather because you could help us all listen to each other better, sharing, working together. perhaps it was this discomfort with the spotlight - or a genuine communication that your leadership is as part of the team, not in place of it.
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