America the Bloody

After what happened in Aurora I find it hard to breathe when Zach is out of the house. On that Friday night, 1600 miles away from Aurora, he was at the midnight show of Batman on 67th Street. Intellectually I know there's nothing you can do to prevent being caught in the wrong place, but Aurora has stirred up similar feelings I had during 9-11. Each person was just going about their life...going to work or going to the movies. It was just another day that changed many lives forever.

I can't discuss gun control even with people who are in favor of changing laws. The sense of frustration I feel that this is still a discussion has hindered my ability to have a rational conversation. I started off the week offering comments like "may I suggest we look at the current laws..." and "can we all agree that banning assault weapons..." and "even the NRA says..." And honestly, now all I hear in my head is you're f*#king crazy for thinking we shouldn't ban all guns, leaving it impossible to me to be rational on the topic.

I love our president and believe he has compassion and conviction. It's time to have courage and not fear election results. How many more 6 year olds are going to die? How many more people will be left paralyzed? And how many more will be left traumatized? The answer is not putting guns in the hands of well intentioned Americans. No one is well intentioned with a gun in their hand. 

Words With Boyfriends

I've always liked having some sort of relationship with a boyfriend when they became an ex. There's only one ex-boyfriend that I haven't kept the friendship with since breaking up. I would, however, feel totally comfortable calling to say hi.  What I've recently found satisfying is transitioning exes to competitors in Words With Friends.

At any one time I have about 15 games going. Half and half women and men. Women are competitive with each other, but in gentle ways. One female friend of mine likes to have 2 games going simultaneously and that way usually each of us wins one. I have friends who when losing stop playing for a day or so in the hope of stopping the momentum. It's kind of like a rain delay in tennis. Sadly, I've had friends walk away from games entirely. Only women though. Men seem to fight harder. I think it's a psychological study that merits a little funding.

I'm wondering though if it wouldn't be better starting off a relationship playing WWF before the first date. I think how he or she plays this game would tell one a lot about character, humor, education and resilience in a short period of time. This might change the face of online dating. Taking it one step further, what if you chose "random player" in WWF and that person was a potential suitor?  If the games go well, then you meet for dinner.

PS Thanks lunch date for the title!

When We Met Nora

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

I vividly remember 1989 and seeing When Harry Met Sally. It was the year I turned 30. I had recently ended important relationship, well he had, and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and this movie made me laugh.  When Harry Met Sally seemed like the story I shared with one of my oldest friends...a guy. The friendship didn't start in college, it was Studio 54. We didn't take any road trips, we danced. We watched each other date many different people, we flirted shamelessly with each other. I knew why his relationships never worked and he knew why mine didn't either. In 1989 we let a toe go over the line, but fear of putting our friendship in jeopardy pulled it back quickly.

A few years later, that movie kept me laughing during labor. My water broke at the rehearsal dinner of my best friend. Off to Mt. Sinai Hospital we went, only to be told we had a while to go and we should do our waiting at home. One of us believed the Lamaze coach who said sleep through the early part of labor. And one of us looked for a few movies to distract. I remember watching three movies, but can only remember two of them. Moonstruck and When Harry Met Sally. I laughed my way through every contraction to "Snap out of it" and "I'll have what she's having." I remember saving When Harry Met Sally for last, knowing the contractions would be worse and that it was the funniest of the three.

Nora Ephron has gotten me through some important times in my life. It is impossible not to enjoy the easy way she wrote.  I hope I Feel Bad About My Neck will be made into a movie in time for me to start feeling badly about mine. And I miss what she had yet to write.

5 postcards

I read something this morning about different ways people can make themselves happy. Most of the suggestions were about doing something helpful, thoughtful and kind for someone else. As nice as it is doing something for yourself there's no question seeing another person happy makes you feel better.

One of my favorite ideas mentioned was sending 5 people postcards...just to let them know you're thinking about them. I loved this idea and put it on my to do list. All day I kept thinking about the eclectic collection of postcards I had in college (wishing I still had them), which reminded me of the postcard exhibit I saw last year at the Met (wishing I had bought a box then), and all of that had me wondering to whom I would mail these postcards...and when would I buy them?

The day went as they seem to these days...very quickly. Towards the end of the day I ran an errand for a friend and then came back to the office for a meeting. More of a meeting with a new friend. When we finished business, she said she had left me a little something with the reception desk and not to forgot to pick it up when I left for the day.

When the day finally ended, I stopped by to pick up the little something and to my complete surprise it was a box of 100 postcards...each card another beautiful pantone color. 100 postcards...and all I had been thinking about was 5. It is a gift that made me smile and it's definitely a gift that will keep on giving. I've already written my 5 postcards tonight and they'll be mailed tomorrow morning...and 5 more after that...

Thankyoupleaseyou'rewelcome

I'm done with people who don't have manners. I don't mean that I won't associate with them, I mean I'm done with accepting their rudeness.  I've always felt that New Yorkers get a bad rap and we're much kinder than people think. But after two unpleasant experiences in a short period of time, I'm beginning to wonder.

Let me start out by saying that I'm not here to teach manners, except to my son and he's pretty much done in that department. I have been known to say "thank you" a bit sarcastically when I've held the door open for someone who didn't acknowledge the gesture, but few days ago something snapped. As I was leaving for work a woman pushing a stroller was coming into the building where I live. The doorman was off to the side, so I held the door to make it easier for her. Without missing a beat, she walked by me not saying a word.  Really?

Before I tell you what I said to her, let me tell you the second unpleasant experience that occurred. I was in the restaurant on my block and was waiting to place an order to bring home. The gentlemen who usually helps me was helping someone else. I waited and while I waited I could hear what the woman ordered, but more important, I could hear how she ordered it. There was a lot of "I want that..." "Give me this..." "I need the..." She barked orders at the incredibly lovely man behind the counter who did nothing but accommodate her. As she finished up her transaction I still couldn't believe how she spoke to this nothing-but-helpful person. Really?

We all have our breaking point. We all have a time in our life when we say enough is enough (thank you Network). These two events pushed me to say more than I might typically.

To the stroller-pushing mom who walked through the door I was holding right passed me I said, "Unbelievable, are you really not going to say thank you?" To which she was completely confused and tried to unnecessarily hold the door for me. I looked at her and said, "Don't you say thank you when someone holds the door for you?" She was still looking dumbfounded as I left the building.

To the incredibly rude woman in the restaurant, as she was signing her credit card receipt, I said to the gentleman who had helped her, "I'm astonished at the lack of manners exhibited by some people." He smiled. She looked at me and proceeded to tell me how rude I was. Somehow I think she missed the point.

Trust me I'm not the Miss Manners Monitor or the Cape Crusader of Civility, but I know how hard people work and they should be appreciated and when people extend a courtesy it should be acknowledge.  OK, I'm getting off the soap box now.  Thank you for listening.