my top 10 for 09

during this week all the news shows spend a lot of time looking back over the year. they usually have great videos or pictures, but i only offer words. this is what stands out for me this year:

   obama's swearing in - he will leave the country in a better place
   reconnecting with old friends - fb brought incredible people into my life
   taking zach to theater - i even consider green day time very well spent
   turning 50 - as unfazed as i was, it's still a bit jaw dropping
   enjoying my work - thrilled with the new responsibilities
   loving time with family + old friends - need to call a few i let slip through
   missing swine flu - didn't get the vaccine, but did we dodge it??
   having friends young enough to have babies - welcome sasha!
   bringing sarah to a-s - even though it was sad to say bye to em
   starting this blog - unquestionably the best thing i did for myself this year

wwcd: wishing you memorable times in 2010

the little blonde

i've been on a movie tear this week and have just added 2 very good ones to the list. i saw invictus on tuesday with a friend and blind side today with zach. it was interesting seeing these back to back. there are some major plot similarities. there were the obvious sports themes and racial stereotypes and the big message of being inspiring -- whether to one person or a team or an entire country.

i left invictus thinking morgan freeman is nelson mandela. he so captured his spirit and it was inspiring to see how he went about uniting a country. it also seemed that much of the movie was analogous to obama's campaign and his ability to build bridges. as good as matt damon was as the captain of the rugby team, morgan freeman's performance overshadowed the movie. as much as i enjoyed invictus, blind side is definitely the movie with the most powerful and inspiring message and a movie that people of all ages will hopefully learn from and enjoy.

the movie is a true story about michael - a homeless teen from the projects who wants more.  through a series of fortunate events, he meets a woman, leigh anne (the little blonde), who along with her husband and children, welcomes michael into their family. i can honestly say that i had tears rolling down my cheeks for a good part of this movie. some tears were because it was hard to watch and hear about the hardships michael had endured. the other tears were for my wish to be someone like leigh anne - a person who helps others and makes a difference in their lives.

wwcd:  finding the right balance between family, friends, work and volunteering

their world is different

i spend a lot of time thinking about what lessons my son needs to learn in his young life in order to grow into the adult i imagine. i also spend a lot of time wondering about all the classes that are taught in schools and what, if anything, the subjects will do to help mold our children. schools have a way of getting a little lazy. unlike corporations, schools truly function on a yearly calendar.

it's very easy to say, "we've done it this way for years..." and continue doing it that way. there is so much going on that at times there isn't always time to be reflective. and even when there is, it can be daunting to be the first with new ideas. it's going to be 2010 in just a few days and our children are studying many of the same subjects and topics that we did. some in the same way too. how much math and science and poetry to they need? our world - their world - is different.

it would be powerful for schools or just a school to say, "let's teach the basics, but let's also teach lessons that will make a difference in the life of children." there are schools doing amazing jobs of teaching about the environment and nutrition by having the children learn to plant a garden, grow vegetables, cook the food and eat healthy. i just read about the first school in ny to start such a program.  the arturo toscanini elementary school in brooklyn. who will bring this idea across the bridge? and all the other ideas our children need?

wwcd: life moves fast...it may be time to slow down and assess

for you mrs. w.

one of the great things about staying in ny for christmas is going to movies. at least that's what i thought. when i think of holiday movies, i think happy, funny, light. i've been taken aback with the trailers being shown -- the lovely bones, huh?  i couldn't even get through the book because it was so sad.

the first movie we went to was up in the air with george clooney. he could pretty much read the phone book for 2 hours and i would watch....honestly. and the chemistry between george and vera farmiga was palpable. this was a wonderful movie except it's marketed as a comedy - yes, there are funny scenes and it has sharp, adult writing, but i would not call it a comedy. rating: worth your time

i'm speechless about our next choice - everybody's fine. i wasn't sure exactly what this movie was about, but all the actors are smiling in the movie poster. the smiles and the title tricked me into thinking it would be a feel good movie...so we bought tickets. we were wrong. the only good feeling was it made us realize that we are happier than anyone in the movie. rating: too much family time

on christmas day i squeezed in 2 movies  - nine and it's complicated. nine is one of the most incredible movies i've seen in a long time. along the lines of moulin rouge and cabaret. the cast, story, music, location, women, costumes, make up are spellbinding. from the minute we sat down, our eyes were glued to the screen. the 60s were an incredible time in fashion and it's multiplied by setting it in italy. rating: un film sorprendente

it's complicated was your typical nancy meyers movie -- laugh out loud fun. might even be funnier for those of us who are divorced. who knew being divorced would actually make you laugh more about something...? it was 2 hours of meryl streep giving older women a new appeal, alec baldwin with a butt double and steve martin acting stoned a little too well. rating: this is the feel good movie i was looking for 

wwcd: wishing you a merry christmas and more feel good movies in 2010

100% for 8 hours

i was at a friend's last night, but something was missing. initially i couldn't put my finger on it.  and when he went to put his kids to sleep, i checked my blackberry. there weren't any messages or emails or texts of bbms. seemed a bit odd, but then again it's the week of christmas and some people are already away. i also was unable to access the internet and thought i might have entered into one of those rare verizonless areas right on 71st + park.

earlier this week i stopped at work to take care of a few things and speak with a few people. i was in my office less than one hour when the internet began moving slowing, incoming emails ceased and my ability to work came to a stand still. thinking this would resolve itself quickly, i moved on to plan b - going through the piles of paper on my desk. after round filing many papers and feeling quite heroic and organized, online activities were still not working.

it's amazing how i and most people have come to rely on our computers, blackberries, iphones, email and the internet. it's a bit alarming how much of my job is dependent upon all of this technology. i admit it was inspiring being able to clean up my office and it was a nice evening without my phone interrupting our talk. i found out that the problem in my office was a verizon problem and also found out that park + 71st is not a verizonless zone, 100% of all blackberry users were without service for 8 hours last night.

wwcd: i enjoyed the quiet, missed the ability to access info, but would welcome more verizonless moments

under the big top

my great uncle, whom i called unk, used to say: don't put good money into bad. that was up there with my grandpa who said: buy good and you buy once, buy cheap and you buy it again and again. i loved hearing these sayings - they gave me a certain sense of security. i don't have lines this memorable to pass on to zach. yet.

unk was one of my favorite relatives. he was maybe 5'3", had an infectious smile and a twinkle in his eyes until he died at 80. he was married, divorced, married, divorced, which all culminated with unk at 50 in alimony jail. and then the circus came to town. unk was friendly with either barnum or bailey....this part of the story we just accepted as fact even though no one could figure out how he met a circus owner or 2. and furthermore, why b or b offered unk the opportunity to run the circus magazine.

unk's life turned around at 50. the circus magazine that most circus goers bought as a souvenir made unk a very rich man, but even more important, made him a wise man about money. once he had money he learned how to make smart investments - much of it in real estate. he worked hard for his money and enjoyed it too - living the epitome of the bachelor's life.  the last time i saw unk before he died, he was living on collins avenue in miami beach. he looked dapper as always, sitting on his terrace in silk pajamas with an argentinian woman taking good care of him. unfortunately, unk didn't recognize me, but always the ladies man, asked me out on a date.

wwcd:  many people start winding down a bit at 50, but i'd like to find my unk

what a week

getting to friday this week was painful. this week was so busy. why is it so difficult the week before winter or spring break?  every which way i turned someone needed something. it's not that i minded any one of the requests...there were just too many. it seems that on some level people have relinquished decision making abilities, although they have decided to make life complicated, and are choosing not to be happy about much of anything.

i do not have many mottos that i live by, but the 3 i do have make my life easier:

1. the fewer cooks the better - keep decision makers to a small and manageable number or you end up disagreeing or compromising and not much gets done.

2. the quickest distance between 2 points is a straight line - we've all got a lot going on, figure out how to accomplish the task quickly and thoroughly. why would anyone want to make doing something more complicated?

3. enjoy what you're doing - even the mundane becomes more fun when you truly enjoy the process and project.

it's a few days until christmas, zach is away until 2 days after, i'm technically not working, and i'm not sure how much i'm going to write either. part of me needs a break from everything i do regularly and the other part of me wants to keep this going. so i'm choosing #3 and will take each day as it comes.

wwcd:  i've decided not to decide and just enjoy what i'm doing

the curve

life is full of surprises. you may think you're on one path and a slight curve changes the trajectory. a few years ago i took on a leadership volunteer role at zach's school. it was not something i sought out and initially there was resistance to my accepting the post. i have a full time job, am a single parent and my son was only in the lower school (meaning i didn't have knowledge of the middle or high schools).

the position was head of the parents association and anyone who knows me knows i love a challenge. fast forward and i'm president of the pa and thinking: why did i do this? i knew why. the challenge.  this is where the slight curve appeared. i made time to meet with each committee to acquaint myself with committee chairs and their charge. i met with the 2 diversity committees and within a short period of time realized this was an area that needed more of my involvement.

i'm a white jewish woman raised on the upper east side and i spent 3 years learning all there was to about diversity and diversifying a school - the pros, the cons. i knew the school was watching out for the kids and training the faculty. the parents were a bit out there in left field and knew we could use help. so many assumptions were made by so many people. "are you the nanny?' i heard a few white women ask black women who in actuality were the mom. i still hear myself gasp.

wwcd:  now diversity is not just part of my volunteer commitments, i found a way to make it part of my work life too

the most wonderful time of the year

we're almost 3 nights into channukah, 6 days away from winter break, 12 days until christmas. it's been bitterly cold in ny for the last couple of days...no snow yet. it's an odd time of year. the city is packed with people shopping, going to theater and museums, visiting the tree in rockefeller center or just milling about. if you suffer from claustrophobia, it's hard to be in midtown now.

this time of year can also be a bit depressing. the finality of a year - unfulfilled plans, projects, promises makes me wonder where the last 12 months went. and january looms with its clean slate. there are more commercials on tv for nicorettes and weight watchers and viagra. would have thought the third would be condoms...in keeping with taking care of yourself. but it's obviously the time to re-evaluate.

i've never been one to write down new year's resolutions and i'm happy to say that we're still 18 days away from actually needing such a list. i'm such an organized person, a list maker, a to-do person that i would think i'd be a natural for a resolution list. if i put a list together for 2010, i know i don't want to disappoint myself so i'm going to choose carefully and be realistic.

wwcd: maybe my resolution is to make a list of resolutions

he's at the dmv

if you're looking for god, he's at the dmv in harlem. if you've been following this blog, you'll know that i forgot to renew my drivers license. no, i did not receive the renewal by mail either. it expired in july and i realized it in october and it took me until today to go the the dmv office. there was much prodding by the son to motivate.

growing up in ny, the only dmv office was the one down by the court buildings. you'd get there first thing in the morning, get on line, fill out papers, get on another line, ugh that was the wrong line. and then find the right line, wait some more only to be met by a dmv worker obviously not enjoying their career path. you were easily looking at 2 hours of your morning wasted. then the dmv opened the xpress office on 34th and 8th avenue. by far a huge improvement, but still quite busy and not very convenient.

last night, in my rush to download forms and fill them out so i wouldn't have to do it at the dmv, i noticed the list of dmv offices in manhattan. 159 east 125th street. in old ny days i would have passed it right by in favor of west 34th street.  but now, harlem is the new "it" neighborhood. so this morning i got up, got all my papers together, hailed a cab at 8:25 and went to harlem. i was in the dmv for 20 minutes, 2 lines, a picture, and $50 later i am the proud owner of a new license. well, a temporary one until the offical one arrives by mail in 2 weeks.

wwcd: i was in my office at 9:05 - 40 minutes after trying something new  

what to buy

it all starts tomorrow night. 8 nights of presents - some that are meaningful and others that are fillers. zach is the only recipient of 8 gifts, but i try to make them more meaningful.  kiva.org has become a gift i give many times. not to zach over the 8 nights, but at least one of the nights he receives money to invest in an entrepreneur in another country.

for friends i have a hard time balancing my love of buying just the right gift and knowing there are people who don't have...anything. i feel in my heart that we are all so fortunate - we have the basic necessities and way more. so when do i say, "i'm not buying gifts and instead i'm making contributions where they are needed"? i have decided to take a percentage of what i would normally spend and make a contribution instead.

i would also rather have lunch or dinner with a friend and spend that time together.  as my life is now, time is the greatest gift i can give. nothing makes me happier than running out of the office to meet a friend for lunch in the neighborhood. it takes me out of my day, let's me catch up in person with a friend and i come back to the office relaxed. i'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow who - with love - calls me a lunch ho.  she knows i'm really more of a friend ho.

wwcd: toys break, clothes shrink, ipods become outdated...but friends are always just right

my generation

i heard from several people i know who think i'm brave for writing this blog. "no way" they say could they do something like this - exposing themselves this way. as i planned when i started writing this - i would not write anything that would embarrass me, my family or friends. of course i have things in my past that are embarrassing - probably in my present too, but i don't feel that what i write about it so personal. i tell everyday stories. i read other blogs and facebook posts and am dumbstruck at the total lack of judgement and inhibitions.

several years ago i introduced a speaker who led a discussion about internet safety. in preparation for this, i opened a facebook account and learned what i could in a short period of time.  what i realized and what i focused on in my introduction was the lack of modesty and embarrassment this generation seems to have. i told my story of growing up and having a diary where i used to write my most secret thoughts. it had a lock and key. i locked it and hid the key. today there are no keys. no one even wants a key.

i worry about some of these kids (ages 12 to, well i know 50 year olds who say too much) who need to live every moment and emotion online. they're up, they're down. they broke up with their boyfriend, they found a new girlfriend. their friend betrayed them, they have a new best friend. they got drunk at a party, they posted the pictures online in case you weren't there. they say too much, they're mean, they're angry, they love each other. if you don't check facebook every day you can miss an entire relationship.

wwcd:  there's definitely a place for this amazing technology, but why do you want me to know what's happening in your life every minute of every day

i'm a jewish christian scientist

i've been sick with a cold for the last 5 days. it's moved from my head to my nose and has settled in my chest. people who don't know me well all ask, "what are you taking?" so if you know me, you're already saying, "um, medicine, not her." you see, since i was 25, i haven't taken more than an advil or two during the day when i'm sick and at night a 1/2 shot glass of scotch. this is what i call the dynamic duo.

i know, you're thinking i'm crazy and no, i don't own stock in advil.  i've been lucky health wise. i do believe that for most of the ailments i've had in the last few decades, the body has healed itself.  i think not taking antibiotics has increased my immunity system and made me stronger.  that's not to say that i don't get sick. i have a 14 year old at home, work at a school and live in a city where people are too close and breathe on each other. i am surrounded by germs.

i remember being 25, getting sick and going to the drug store to buy some over the counter medicine.  i could not get over the choice in front of me. decongestants, decongestants with codeine, expectorants, and all with alcohol. the shelves were lined with products.  but this is what freaked me out - reading the side effects. they sounded worse than my cold.  dizziness, excitability, headache, nausea, anxiety, trouble sleeping. i liked my cold symptoms better than the side effects. it was that day i decided to buy a big bottle of advil and scotch, and started praying for good health.

wwcd:  the dynamic duo is still working for me 25 years later

green cards

i've been designing our holiday cards since 1995 when zach was born. i had just learned how to use a mac and design and photography programs. the cards started out pretty simple and then each year became a little more complicated.  there was the year that i made the card an ornament with raffia attached in order to hang on the tree. i know i'm jewish, but i'm also a sucker for a great tree.

once i went back to work, at the end of 2000, the cards became less complicated and more clever. over the years we had such classics as the 4 seasons of zach (an idea one of his teachers asked me to translate to feature his dog!), 3 facial expressions of zach, you get the idea. all of these culminated last year with a photo on the card of obama recruiting zach to washington. with each year brought the challenge of keeping zach interested in being the focus of the card. i'm actually surprised i've gotten him this far.

that brings us to this year. zach is 14 and i couldn't find one photo that inspired me. i thought i could do something funny with zach and sarah palin, but honestly didn't want to give her the additional exposure to the 300 people i send cards to. i did think about emailing a card this year and quickly gave that up -- i love paper too much.  i know, i said i was a sucker for a great tree, but i'm not ready to go totally green just yet.  oh, so you want to know what i ended up doing for the card this year? you'll know soon enough...it'll be in the mail on monday.

wwcd: i'm going green where i can and each year will get a little closer to emailing the holiday card

my idol on madison

isabella rossellini was always the woman i wanted to be. when i grew up the models of the day were christie brinkley and cheryl tiegs - 2 women i couldn't relate to less. blond hair, one with a big smile, the other with thin lips, both 9 feet tall with vacant stares. yes, there was also the brown haired, ethnic looking janice dickinson. but seeing her recently on i'm a celebrity, get me out of here erased all good feelings i'd ever had.

but isabella rosselinni was the whole package - smart, creative, philanthropic, dated quirky men, acted in quirky movies. i loved her in blue velvet, white nights and cousins.  she also had brown hair and eyes, a round face, big lips. she cut her hair short, i cut my hair short. she wore red lipstick, i tried red lipstick. she was my epitome of a woman.

the reason i bring up isabella rossellini is because i saw her on madison avenue today. walking with a couple of shopping bags, she hailed a taxi. without a stitch of make up, this woman who is 57, was gorgeous. i honestly had not thought about her in many years, but seeing her reminded me of who i was when i first found her. a person in their 20s trying to fit in, stand out, make a life - brown hair and all.

wwcd:  it can be very comforting seeing the people who left a mark on us

mj

most people who are 51 years old do not wake up and know this is the day they're going to die. certainly not if they're healthy.  you may have your affairs in order, but you probably would have many things left unsaid to family and friends. so, how do we really live each day as if it were our last.....with nothing left unsaid?

i won't pass judgement on michael jackson and how he lived his life, but i will say that if you play with fire, you may get burned. it's sad that we've lost a pop icon at such a young age. i can't help but wonder, why someone with so much - and i'm talking about 3 children, 7 siblings,  countless nieces and nephews, and talent - would risk losing it all?

i'd like to think we can learn a little something from him. if we can make life and the people in our life valued enough so that not a day goes by that we don't treasure it and them, then we've learned something. it's easy when a tragedy takes place to turn your life around and make promises with all good intentions. it's often hard to keep up the momentum. we can only try to say what you have to say and do what you need to do. one day at a time.

wwcd: challenge yourself...that's what i'm doing with this blog and also with the rest of my life

i wish

i've done a lot of volunteering at zach's school over the last 9 years, but it or i have slowed down over the last year and a half. so when the parents association was looking for house parents in 8th grade, i volunteered. i figured it was the last year i could be a house parent, since they don't want us around in high school.  being an 8th grade house parent isn't very taxing. it really depends on the teacher and how much help they need.  you can coordinate parent volunteers for field trips, class breakfasts, etc.  but the best part is making and buying teacher gifts. the buying part is easy. the making part for 8th graders is another story.

it's easy when the kids were little...they would contribute pictures or drawings for books and art project gifts or make a ceramic sculpture of something cute.  but how to engage 13 and 14 year olds in a way that's interesting and not juvenile. didn't think hand prints on a plate would work -- their hands are way too big now.  and i didn't think a calendar with pictures of the class doing something fun for each month would be appropriate -- who takes pictures of 13 and 14 years olds like we did when they were 8? i'm not sure i really want to see everything they're doing.

i figured out that asking them to write one sentence would be something they could fit in between sports, music lessons, texting, homework, shopping, rehearsals, and parties. at least i hoped so. it took a while to figure out what to ask them to write, but i came up with an "i wish" sentence.  they could wish something for their teacher, family, friend, school, city, country or world. i have been surprised at the thoughtful responses i've received so far. they've hoped for peace, a greener world, health and happiness, and one of my favorites so far: i wish my teacher's child would let her sleep through the night.

wwcd: it's inspiring to hear what the next generation is hoping for...even if it's just a good nights sleep

friend or parent

when i was growing up my mother didn't want to be my friend, she wanted to be my mother. as i got older, the line blurred and we became friends. actually, as i think about my teen years, i remember a couple of friends' parents who blurred the lines, wanting to hang out with us. wanting to be cool, i assume.  at times we thought they were cool...the go-to parent when yours wouldn't listen, but in reality, these were not the parents you could go to and get good advice.

many parents i know now have allowed those lines to blur too early. i love my son, would do virtually anything for him, but i am not his friend.  i have his back and i'm his advocate, but i am not his friend. i want to set an example of good adult behavior. i want zach to know when i disapprove of his behavior or actions. i expect him to show the proper respect for adults when they act like adults.  i love the idea of zach having other adults - relatives, teachers, friends of mine - he trusts enough to confide in. i hope he chooses wisely.

he's a teenager now and is faced with and will be faced later on with more choices. i hope he continues to have his inner strength...the one who hasn't succumbed to peer pressure. i hope the pressure or condoning of inappropriate behavior doesn't come from parents who are just trying to be cool and blur the lines.

wwcd: i love being a mom and will always, and i look forward to a friendship with my son somewhere down the line

one of those moments

there was a great scene in a mediocre movie. the movie was "my best friend's wedding" and it did have some very funny scenes  -- like where they all sang dionne warwick's song "i say a little prayer" at dinner. but the great scene i'm talking about took place between julia roberts and dermot mulroney.  their characters had been friends for many years and now he was marrying cameron diaz and julia was jealous, sort of.

julia and dermot were spending time alone on a boat talking about their friendship and what each has meant to the other.  then dermot quotes cameron, "if you love someone, you say it or the moment passes you by." they look into each other's eyes - this was that moment - and julia is about to say i love you. she doesn't and the moment passes. whether or not they're meant to be together, i have no idea, but it was one of those moments.

how many moments do we let pass by? i know i've missed several and even if you're lucky enough to get another chance, it's not quite the same.  it's a different moment with a different feeling. i feel very lucky to have a great family and incredible friends who have all been supportive at many different times in my life.

wwcd:  i'm taking this moment to say i love you to my family and friends

be a quitter

when faced with a difficult situation that requires me to act, and i feel powerless or overwhelmed, i think about the day i quit smoking. april 14, 2003 was a huge day in my life. it's incredibly empowering to make a decision and follow through with that decision. you can feel the same when quitting a dead end job or an unhealthy relationship. granted cigarettes have a physical and chemical addiction, but i guess the same can be said for a job or person. it's easy to fall into patterns and habits and shy away from change.

fearing the worst, quitting was a lot easier than i imagined. i chose my last smoking day, bought the patch, did a lot of deep breathing and then it was just me and no cigarettes. i heard nicotine was harder to quit than heroin, not having ever tried or being addicted to heroin, i had no reference to hold me back. oh, i forgot to tell you though how much i loved smoking, but knew the time had come for change. i can honestly tell you that when faced with a difficult decision, i think back to april 14, take a few deep breaths and remember what i'm made of.

wwcd:  the first step is realizing it's time for change

i still like holding hands at the movies

having recently spent time with several people from my past, i am reminded of what relationships were like. how easy it was to meet people, be in a relationship and get out of it. now, well, it's all different. maybe not all of it, but the word easy is never in the same sentence with "i met someone and it's been so _______."

in the old days you'd meet people everywhere...and friends had friends and there were possibilities at school or work. now, there's:

- e harmony - 29 dimensions of compatibility - what happened to chemistry?

- j date - meet jewish singles - since i've only dated 2 jewish guys in my life, my track record isn't so great

- match.com - someone irresistible is so close - this just sounds creepy

- facebook - helps you connect and share with the people in your life - not really a matchmaking site, but it's doing a great impersonation of one

it's all different now...the rules have changed...senior citizens are sexting...so much is happening and it's not happening face-to-face. if i at 50 can't figure this out, what chance do teenagers have? you can't really meet someone online -- i know people will disagree and site examples of the million couples they know who have met and married. ok, i know i won't meet someone that way.

wwcd: you need to hear a voice, see their eyes and hold hands at the movies

feel the love

it's the moments i don't expect that bring me the most meaning. earlier today i went to an assembly of middle school boys giving thanks. they read poems they'd written, read poems famous poets had written, read stories they'd written and played instruments. in the audience were their classmates in 4th through 6th grades, faculty, staff and parents.

all was going along smoothly...each boy performing how he'd planned. and then a 4th grade boy with a horn, along with a teacher on a piano, came to the stage. they both sat poised to play. the piano began and the horn followed. "may i start again?" the boy said. my heart sank a little. they started again. and stopped. the third time no sound came from the horn and tears rolled down his face. mine too. the empathy i felt for him as a mom and as a person who doesn't like to perform was enormous.

he walked off the stage. there were audible snickers from a couple of boys at which point an administrator spoke. she started by giving thanks for having heard this young man play the piece perfectly 6 times during rehearsal. she went on to say to the audience that we all know how hard it is to perform in front of your classmates and many of us have had that experience of butterflies. it was an incredible moment. this moment made the assembly.

the performance went on. the boy's teacher went to check on him and after only 3 other people performed the young man was back on stage with his horn and pianist in place. he played the piece beautifully and then received a huge round of applause. he smiled and also learned about resilience.

wwcd: don't miss those moments to learn something or teach something

what an impact warren

it's usually sad when someone dies and more so when they're young. the older i get, the younger most old ages become. earlier this evening i attended a memorial service for a faculty member at my son's school who died suddenly in early september of a brain aneurysm at the age of 56. the first person i saw at the service was a woman i know who herself had an aneurysm last year. as we spoke i could only think how hard it must be for her to be here. but then again, she's here.

the service format of who spoke was lovely: head of school, a colleague, a current student and an alumna. each speaking from a different vantage point and each painting a picture of warren that vividly described a person so dedicated to learning, to his friends and colleagues, to his students, to his church. then the audience was asked if they would like to say anything. at least 6 people spoke about the way they knew warren, recited amusing stories about him, described how kind he was, and spoke about his passion as a teacher.

and then came time for the last person to speak before moving to the reception. way in the back of the auditorium a woman stood, explained she had been a student of warren's years ago and told how she benefitted from his teaching and his kindness. she went on to say that now, as an attorney who represents many teenagers, she spends additional time meeting with her clients outside of the court room. she learned from warren that it doesn't take a great deal of time to make an impact on a teenager.

wwcd: make an impact in someone's life...take the time

on the boat

i had an interesting conversation with my friends liz and colton this evening. we're parents of 14 year old boys and liz and i grew up with stories about how our grandfathers travelled to america at this age. alone and not speaking the language. coming to a new country to work and make a life. we talked about whether or not our sons had the independence and inner strength to make a voyage like that.

we agreed that our goal as parents is to raise children to be confident, adventurous and feel secure enough to get on the proverbial boat. we aren't 100% convinced that our boys are there just yet, but hopefully on the right track. we did compare today's parents and parents of generations past and how parts of life are easier now...and some not quite so.

responsibilities for kids are different than decades earlier. chores were more important and necessary years ago. nobody will starve if the dishwasher isn't emptied or the garbage isn't taken out or the bed isn't made. we give them these chores to develop a sense of responsibility and to be an active participant in the family. the truth is, it's easy to slack on the vigilance, but then we're only slacking off as parents.

wwcd: let the goal chore be making the bed on the boat

let's like our yucky dimples

it's all about growing old and learning to accept you for you and who you are becoming. it's not just about the face and body changing, it's what's changing inside too. becoming more sensible, more comfortable, less tolerant, less patient. we all grow old differently. living in ny and seeing how some women fear aging made me embrace turning 50 even more. i thank god (or genes) for being as healthy as i am. i remember seeing what my grandmothers looked like at 50 and they were old ladies. i feel far away from looking and feeling like that.

i know i don't look and feel 30 any more...but, am fine with that. of course, i think about getting botox. and then i think about what that really means. if i start with botox, do i then get my eyes done, a little treatment for cellulite, a shot of restylane? and then where do i stop? is it when my face is so pulled i look like i've gone through a wind tunnel? i don't want to grow old like that.

i'm looking to be the old lady with lines that represent a well lived life that included a lot of smiling. an old lady who still loves life and all the possibilities it holds. i want to still find joy in the small moments. i want to still love dancing and loud music with a little auntie mame nuttiness thrown in for fun.

wwcd: i'm going to keep up with my interests and maybe hang out with people whose eye sight is not so good...just to soften the lines + dimples a bit

wash 'n wear hair

i seem to be in discussions where hair becomes the topic. straight, curly, curly, straight. granted, i've been going to a lot of diversity meetings for the past few years and hair is on many black women's minds. it's definitely an easy discussion for me to join. i'm a white jew with curly hair and i've never liked my hair either. when my hair was curly, i felt messy. granted, i don't have weaves and extensions to deal with too.

i spent the first 40 years of my life denying my curliness. blow dryers, flatteners and chemicals were all part of my day-to-day. fearing weather was the other part. rain and humidity could easily keep me in bed. the a/c was my friend. in addition to weather, any activity that made me sweat and required a shower after - sports, the gym, etc. - was something to be avoided at all cost. i didn't have wash 'n wear hair. i would have died for wash 'n wear hair. and still would.

flash forward 14 years ago and i had an aha moment. something (my son) kept me out of the work force and i became more relaxed about being messy. so i stopped blowing and straightening and began trying different curly hair products. and the oddest thing started happening -- i began getting compliments on my curls. i admit that i still feel messy with curls and if i have a dressy function, like my friend's 50th this saturday night, i think i should get it blown out. i don't think i will, but....

wwcd: i'd love to really accept the curls and all the messiness

30 something

today is my 30th post. i didn't really think i'd make it this long, but have found it to be one of the most enjoyable parts of my day. i promised myself that i would write every day, but in reality think 5 out of 7 days is what i can honestly handle.

just to get some feedback, i initially told a very small group of friends about this. then i sent it to a few friends who write their own blog and that was a bit anxiety provoking. it's really putting myself out there and exposing a part of me usually saved. my boss has even read it! but the ultimate test was sending the link to my mother yesterday. she's always been the writer in the family and her opinion means a lot. her positive feedback was the seal of approval.

i forget sometimes who's reading the blog. sometimes i even forget that anyone is reading it and start writing stories that are too personal to have out there. i promised one friend that her 13 year old daughter would be able read the blog and there wouldn't be any objectionable content. zach reads it so i can't embarrass him either. at some point maybe i will write something more personal.

wwcd: for now i'm just trying to keep it positive

and the oscar goes to

i saw a movie last night that knocked the wind out of me. a movie with performances the caliber of which i haven't seen in a long time. the writing is raw. the characters are real. the movie is about a world that is as foreign to me as living in russia would be.

i can't begin to understand the lack of value placed on a human life. the complete disregard for human feelings and the disrespect for the human spirit. it's the story of one girl who survives mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. she finds the one person who believes in her and the one person who will fight for her. how incredible to be that one person for someone.

the story is heart wrenching, gut wrenching and if you see the movie and walk out feeling nothing but drained and fortunate....that might be enough to realize how lucky we are. if you walk out and take it to another level and look to help those who are not able to help themselves, what a greater gift.

wwcd: strength is precious

stuck as a loyal customer

i remember when time warner cable came to manhattan. i was in high school and lived on 85th and madison. my best friend lived on 86th and park. 86th was the cut off and we had cable first. then hbo came. that's when new yorkers began paying for the privilege of watching tv. here we are 35 years later and hundreds of more tv stations from which to choose. in addition to cable, time warner offers hd, road runner and the recently launched phone service.

i've always been the epitome of a loyal customer: time warner for cable and internet, at&t for land lines, verizon for mobiles. now in order of disappointment: i've been waiting for at&t's contract on the iphone to expire so verizon can sell it, at&t has not been able to figure out why i have static on my second land line, and how is it that time warner gets away with charging what they charge? but i'm reassessing being too loyal and also not getting too stuck in my ways.

i'm about ready to abandon verizon, even though the coverage is the best, because i really want an iphone. i cancelled at&t and added phone service to the package with time warner. i now don't have static on my second line...i will of course not have phone service if we have a black out since time warner's service plugs into an electrical socket, but i have old neighbors who probably still have rotary dial phones that i could use in an emergency. and, because my phone service is now with time warner, the whole package with them seems to be a much better value.

p.s. after canceling at&t, i had a credit due me. of course they wouldn't automatically apply the credit to the credit card they'd been charging my bill to for the last bunch of years. so i called them. they didn't really care why i left at&t, but after i explained that time warner was cheaper and offered more services, they conceded and tried selling me mobile service. i'm almost there, the iphone pull is getting stronger.

wwcd: it sometimes pays to reassess where your loyalties lay

going rogue

my mission here is to be positive, constructive and yet all i feel like writing about is sarah palin. doesn't leave a lot of room for positive, so i'm going to test myself. where can i find the positive here?

we all learned her record as governor of alaska...not so positive. we watched mccain announce her as his running mate....funny, but not so positive. we heard her first speak at the republican convention...the message was not so positive, but she gives good speech. we watched her give interviews and be the butt of snl skits. we met her family...i can't even do them justice. we then heard her bash obama and bash mccain's team. watched them lose and i prayed she'd disappear.

sarah's back. she's written a book and is about to embark on a tour, starting with oprah this monday. i am secretly hoping that oprah, in her polite oprah way, nails her on a few things. but wait, i'm supposed to be finding the positive here. one positive could be oprah makes her look foolish...more foolish. but i guess that's not really positive.

i reread this post and the only positive i find is she gives good speech. how easy it is to package a person...she's pretty, she smiles big, she's energetic, she speaks well when given what to say. it's not about her message and all about the package. but the package doesn't last and eventually you see through it and there's nothing there.

wwcd: it may be easier to be the package but we need to be about our core content because that lasts

i'm an addict

i love texts -- sending them, receiving them -- the whole idea of them. i love when my blackberry vibrates or if i miss the movement, i love the kerplunk it makes when the text is deposited. i love the immediacy of them...the lack of social cues...the riskiness. honestly, i'm worse than a teenager.

if we had texts when i was in high school, i really don't think i'd ever have gotten anything done and my phone would have been permanently taken away. we only had the option of the phone and if we were lucky, we had one in our bedroom for privacy...maybe even our own phone number. if we wanted to talk to our friends, we had to do it either in person or on the phone. not nearly as many choices as we have today with texts, ichat, im, email, facebook, cell phones, land lines and there are probably more that i don't know about yet.

recently, i had a "conversation" with someone over a couple of hours that was happening simultaneously on facebook, texts and emails. it takes multitasking to a whole new level. but what it really doesn't allow for is looking someone in the eye, seeing a reaction or hearing a tone or inflection. boundaries are also blurred. i wonder if this generation will understand the subtleties of social cues and appreciate slowing down and taking time to sit and talk with a friend. their world moves so quickly with no slowing down in sight.

wwcd: i've learned about social cues and have managed not to offend anyone in any medium...as far as i know

it's still 1/2 full

how is it you can go along humming - things are moving in the right direction, everyone is healthy, family and friends are happy - and something happens or someone says something and everything gets rocked? or you're not even sure what's happened, but know your day-to-day has changed.

the last couple of months have been humming. even though i've been busier than usual, it's all been manageable and positive. and life has been really good - the kind of good you feel. the kind of good that makes you smile and allows you to walk over the bumps of life and not really take notice. yet something has changed in the last couple of days.

i'm not wondering about the why but have decided to just focus on getting back on track. wow, last tango in paris is on cinemax...marlon brando circa 1973. didn't mean to digress, but how could i not mention last tango? so, i'm just trying to get back on track. i'm banking on my writing to pull me out of this...it's enough of a distraction, a little bit of therapy, and i can make it as positive as i like.

wwcd: we've all got that thing in our life that keeps up focused and positive, we just need to remember to use it

i love girls

there is a group of girls today who make me wish i also had a daughter. i don't wish for the girls who are growing up too quickly, obsessed with boys and fashion, but i love the girls who challenge themselves. my son is on the wrestling team at school and he came home the other day after the first class and told me all the names of the kids on the team. it was the usual suspects from last year, a few new boys from the 8th grade group, all new 7th grade boys....AND 8th grade girls.

i didn't see one girl last year on the middle school wrestling team. there was one high school girl who was apparently a kick ass wrestler and took down several boys during the season. but, now there are girls i've known since kindergarten...sweet, funny, lovely girls. kudos to their parents for allowing them to wrestle. and if they didn't know in advance, well, i hope they met the news with encouraging words.

what a great world we live in where the lines are blurred between typically boy and girl activities. if we could only blur them more in the workplace and in the home we'd be so much more productive. i'm so proud of these girls for stepping outside the norm, but if i were to be a bit skeptical i could easily think this was just a way to hang out with boys. nope, i choose to see this for what i hope it is...progress.

wwcd: step outside your comfort zone - we can all learn a little something from the girls

yes we can

there's a documentary on hbo about the obama campaign. i dvr'd it the other night and finally had the uninterrupted time to watch. talk about inspiring and emotional. i still cry when i watch his acceptance speech which is also on the dvr. the documentary followed obama and his advisors from the time he announced he was running through his election. i watched every moment as it happened in real time beginning 3 years ago, but what was fascinating was seeing his growth. and to see how obama rallied so many young people, old people, white and black people, americans, europeans. and made them care.

during the election, i compared obama to the tortoise in the children's fable. he was unrockable...slow and steady...always on message, unflappable. and always inspiring. when he gave the speech that included the brilliantly written phrase - we are the ones we've been waiting for. we are the change that we seek - i knew right then we had our president. the message of taking responsibility is so powerful and empowering. when zach had his bar mitzvah, i put that brilliant quote on the back of the prayer book created for the service. his bar mitzvah was 10-18-08. truth is, i had the programs printed in august and knew that a strong message would be so appropriate on that important day for my son.

obama inspires me all the time. to be a better person, a better parent, a better friend, to think about others. one year later i still think he's an amazing force who will make important changes and i doubt i'll see another person like him in my lifetime. that's why i keep obama close. after he became president, a friend sent me a life-sized cardboard cut out of obama. he stood in my living room for about 10 minutes with lucy the dog freaking out. she apparently couldn't handle a tall good looking black man in the house. her loss, because obama now lives in my office and i love the reactions he gets...all inspiring.

wwcd: you may not agree with his politics, you may not be happy with how he's spent the last year, but i dare you not to think he's inspiring

let me tell you a story

it's pretty incredible what you can learn about your friends when you sit back and just listen to them talk. what people choose to reveal about themselves and when they choose to reveal it can be fascinating and can also bring you closer. this week has been incredibly busy at work, stressful at best, and i've welcomed the time i've spent listening and talking to friends.

let me preface by saying that all my friends are confident, funny, and smart...yet we all have internal struggles that surface. i've heard a friend tell me about being frustrated with her day-to-day life and not sure what direction to take, someone who demonstrated how being bi-polar affects his life, another who is grappling with issues of parenting a teenager, a recently divorced friend who is figuring out how he fits in now, and the oddest story about a friend being fooled by a facebook impersonator. each day has brought another story.

and sometimes i hear stories that make me feel good about what i'm doing. many friends have told me they secretly read this blog and look forward to it. others say it fulfills some voyeuristic tendencies they have. i explained that it's encouraging for me hear feedback. so to all of my friends, and you know who you are, please put yourself down as followers of the blog...or write a comment every now and then. it would mean a lot to me.

wwcd: whatever the topic, talk to a friend...or just listen to one

outlets to live by or for

we all need an outlet. this blog has become mine and something i look forward to even when i don't think i have anything to say. have we always needed outlets or has life become so fast and demanding that we need to carve out special time for something we love or something just different?

the gym or exercise is a popular outlet. recently i've heard that friends of mine enjoy singing, dancing, reading and practicing tae kwon do, yoga or pilates and choose these as their great escapes. and others just take time and breathe. it is amazing how the peaceful act of breathing - something we do every minute of the day unconsciously - when done consciously and rhythmically, is peaceful and rejuvenating.

growing up i don't remember my family being as stressed or running around as much i do today. true, my mom and step-father came home at the end of the day, sat down and had a cocktail before having dinner with us. i don't do that, but after those times that i have had a glass wine or beer with dinner, i think to myself that i should do this more often. it definitely takes the edge off, is relaxing and removes any bothersome thoughts from the day.

wwcd: it's all about stepping outside your day-to-day life and increasing your happiness - what's your outlet?

a civilized society?

it's hard to write about something positive today. i'm in a great mood, but work sucked the life out of me....i don't do well in all day meetings. and then i came home, sat down with my computer to finally answer some emails, only to be pulled into a 3 week old story on cnn.

how do we live in a world where 5 teenagers would douce another teen with alcohol and set him on fire? in the world where i live, nothing anyone could do would warrant such cruel behavior. a 15 year old boy lies in a hospital with 65% of his body covered in 2nd and 3rd degree burns. how will he recover? or more to the point - will he recover? apparently, he was set on fire because of an unpaid debt. he's now paid for it with so much of his life.

i read the article and thought how the parents of these boys have failed as parents and failed as members of a civilized society. it's incomprehensible to me to lose your child to such an extent that they would commit a crime of such hatred. what does is take for parents to be more involved?

wwcd: parents being held responsible for the actions of their minor children. would that finally make parents pay attention, get involved, and parent?

blame the duvet

for many of us, we spent our teens wishing for our period to start, our 20s trying not to get pregnant, our 30s trying to get pregnant and our 40s wishing our period would finally stop. so sitting here as a recently turned 50 year old, i keep hoping that any month this will all just end. i remember my mother telling me that when she was 50 her period just stopped. no hot flashes, no night sweats, no hormone therapy, no memory issues, no nothing. i immediately signed up for that version of menopause.

the reality is i've spent most of my adult life thinking menopause is right around the corner. my body temperature has always been high and i usually wake up in the middle of the night hot. my bed linens are simple...4 down pillows, linen or cotton bottom sheet and pillow cases, a down duvet with cotton or linen duvet cover. i love the weight and coziness of a down duvet. i also have the ac running a good part of the year...so you get the picture, the room is cold, but the duvet is warm.

this past summer after waking up hot once again, i had an epiphany: it's not menopause, it's the duvet. i found a cotton duvet my mom had given me and traded in the down one. it changed my life. i'm still hoping to go through menopause one of these days, but at least i'll be a lot cooler at night.

wwcd: some problems are not how they present and sometimes there's an easy solution

monday's ultimatum

i've always been perplexed by women who proudly announce they have given someone an ultimatum. years ago those ultimatums were usually about moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having children. i didn't understand why women would relinquish the power and basically sit waiting on the whim of another person. i also wondered why anyone would want to practically force someone to do something instead of having it be their idea. and usually, the ultimatum time limit would come and go and an extension would be given.

back then is when i made a deal with myself to never give anyone an ultimatum except myself. not a man i thought of as a potential husband or father, or an employer holding a sought after promotion. these ultimatums became mine -- and silent. i would make a deal with myself that usually began with some situational frustration, better known as it was time for a change. instead of holding anyone else responsible or blaming someone for not doing what i thought timely, i decided on a time frame that i could live with and that seemed realistic. mondays were usually it. a decision made at the beginning of a week was a positive step, at least in some direction.

i still do it now and monday is still the day. it allows me to feel more in control of a situation where i'm not really in control. of course by making this silent deal with myself, i become more in control.

wwcd: it's about owning your life, taking responsibility for outcomes, not blaming others

friday

why does thursday night make me think of friday which inevitably makes me think of being back in school? i'm swamped at work and need to learn to say "i'm too busy to take that on" but fortunately, i love what i do and welcome new projects. the truth is i do like to be busy and i like to think and i like to problem solve. and i also look forward to friday.

i love all the feedback i've been getting on the blog, but smile to myself when several people have asked where i get the time to write. this is not exactly complicated writing, or research intensive. i find the time to write because i enjoy it and because this blog has nothing to do with any other part of my life. it's not something i'm paid to do, it's not something i've volunteered to work on or something i've made an obligation to fulfill. it's pure pleasure and how many things in life bring only that? unencumbered with the other stuff makes this time something to look forward to - like friday!

wwcd: enjoy your friday and find something that brings you nothing but pure pleasure

we have no excuses

i remember hearing that life was one errand after another. somewhere along the line that has changed and much of my life has become a deadline. i am very cognizant of time, my calendar, my "things to do" list....and all seem to be time sensitive.

i just switched my calendar from ical to google calendar. i thought this was going to be some monumental change - so much so, that i delayed it for the last couple of years. did i blow that one out of proportion. it took no time to export my calendar from ical and import it into google calendar. and my once beloved, colorful calendar that only lived on my office mac, now follows me from computer to computer to blackberry. herein lies the blessing and the curse.

i liked the excuse of not making plans from home...deferring it to when i'm in the office. those days are gone since my calendar is now where ever i am. this made me think of all the other places where excuses no longer exist:

...it's in the mail - there's nothing in the mail, except maybe a birthday card from grandma

...the messenger must be running late - most documents are emailed now

...i couldn't call, the pay phone was broken - cell phones make us available 24/7

...and my favorite is when my son complains about how long it can take to access information on the web. i then recount my high school years of walking over to the library (in the rain), looking up the book i needed, figuring out the dewey decimal system from hell only to discover that someone had already taken out the book.

wwcd: we can afford to slow life down a bit, it's been fast-forwarded a little too quickly

my aunt died

she died last friday evening while i was at theater with amy. on sunday my brother and i went to the funeral and cemetery together. i saw family members - my cousins - whom i haven't seen in over 10 years. blood is an incredible bond and walls break down quickly. even though it's been 10 years, we fell right back into our relationship. they look the same...maybe a little grayer, thinner, blonder, shorter...funny how you remember people.

we arrived in new jersey for the service and it was great to see my cousins, despite the sad reason. i was dumbstruck when i saw my cousins' children now ages 11, 20, 21, 24, and just-turned 25. that's where the 10 years made a huge difference. about to have a bar mitzvah, in college, just graduated from college and cannot find a job, moved west for a career opportunity, and just moved in with her boyfriend and began working for a start up company. they were all so young the last time i saw them.

i felt like i missed a lifetime. i missed several. and they missed zach's. as sad as it was to be at my aunt's funeral, it was more crushing to think of all the time that we won't get back as a family.

wwcd: you cannot turn back time, but you can make the most of the time ahead

where does time go?

i woke up this morning to lucy the dog making the sound of "i'm about to throw up." that's when you know it's going to be a long day and can only get better. actually, the whole event brought me back to zach's early years, when kids are more like puppies. they need you to do everything, can't speak or feed themselves, want to run around endlessly, and then sleep a lot.

i look back on the last 14 years and think how long each day has felt...in a good way, and how quickly 14 years has passed...in a bad way. i remember my friends who were seasoned parents saying to me when he was born: enjoy each moment, the time passes quickly. all i knew at that point was that i could really function on very little sleep. since i wasn't working for the first 5 years of zach's life, time took on an odd reality and the book i wanted to write was titled: every day is tuesday. honestly, there was no differentiating the days of the week.

i embraced all ages and stages. i never wanted to rush to the next stage. what i'm having a hard time with now is that he'll be in high school next year and i'm just not sure how that happened. how have over 5000 days passed since he was born? i'm still enjoying the day to day...worrying a little of what the teenage years will bring, but have reconciled it like the terrible 2's. i approached his second birthday expecting him to be the same sweet and smiling boy. we never experienced anything terrible, so i've decided to expect the best of the teen years. i may be fooling myself....

wwcd: expect the best and prepare for a few bumps

the climb

i've always liked many different types of music, with the exception of country. something has changed and i now enjoy all types of music. i seem to gravitate to music that inspires and makes me feel good. i'm not talking about christian music - although if i could get past the genre title some of it might be inspiring. i'm talking about the songs that get you out of bed, in a good mood, off to work, out for dinner, through a bad situation.

i guarantee that if you see me walking on the street with my ipod and a smile on, i'm listening to one of these songs:

u2 - beautiful day

miley cyrus - the climb

jay z and alicia keys - empire state of mind

black eyed peas - i gotta feeling

kings of leon's - sex on fire

coldplay - viva la vida

whitney houston - i didn't know my own strength

wwcd: i dare you to listen to one of these songs and not be inspired

homework v family

i love my son's school. it happens to be where i went to school, but i didn't love it back then. i tolerated school, learned what i loved and groaned my way through the rest. i don't remember juggling all the responsibilities that i see my son faced with. we also didn't juggle all the interruptions they have now.

i had interests outside of school. i took ballet classes 4 afternoons a week after dismissal, got home late, ate dinner, did homework, watched tv and talked on the phone. on saturdays, i took a 1/2 day art class. i loved and lived for my life outside of school. homework was not something that ruled my life.

it seems as though now there is more homework and more distractions needing to be controlled. there seems to also be a debate about the relevance of homework and its purpose. my son's school has all but eliminated homework in the lower grades where most kids are actually excited about the assignments. homework in the middle and high schools is where a little control and coordination would be useful.

i've heard adam gopnik speak about homework impinging on family time and understand his position. there must be a balance that would be acceptable to schools and families. if a child is in school from roughly 8am until 3pm, is 3 hours of homework truly necessary? and if yes, truly necessary for what? college placement? success? happiness? i believe homework has a place and a purpose, but i think taking up a child's entire evening thus missing out on family time is not a positive. that is irreplaceable time.

wwcd: parents must monitor the actual amount of time spent on homework (not including facebook, i chat, etc.), see the impact on the family, and communicate with schools.

communication is key, making assumptions is not

how fragile and sensitive friendships are and how easily they can unravel. i allowed something to fester in a friendship for a couple of weeks and put the relationship in jeopardy. i made an assumption about the other person that was wrong. i always think back to that great tv moment on "the odd couple" when felix explained to oscar: when you assume you make and ass of u and me. well, this situation wasn't so much about ass-making and more about friendship-risking.

confronting uncomfortable situations isn't simple and is not an event i look forward to usually, but part of being an adult is that confrontation. the remarkable part is once you've faced that fear, the air clears, the heaviness of the situation lifts and after a few more awkward sentences, friendships pick up where they left off. women can be very forgiving - yes, we've all come across those who harp and hold onto the grudge, but as a whole we look for the reconciliation. we are usually the peace keepers and peace makers.

wwcd: if the friendship is important and you both cherish it...confront and communicate and reconcile

they're better off than we think

our grandparents wanted more for their children than they had. our parents wanted more for us than they had. and, we want more for our kids that we have. that more may mean education, money, opportunity or...

i heard anna quindlen speak today at a lunch for the 30th anniversary of parents in action, a great organization dedicated to educating parents of independent school children on the importance of communicating with your child. anna quindlen was funny, smart, thoughtful, thought-provoking, opinionated and had incredible conviction without apology.

she made the point of explaining that children are doing better. they are more accepting of race, sexual preference and women in the work force than we were at their age and even possibly now. that we have a generation of kids who have performed more community service than any other generation. and then anna posed the question: what's more important - being more accepting, helping others or making a lot of money?

as a parent of a 14 year old, i have always been more concerned with the values i instill than what profession he chooses. i'm realistic enough to know that money is important and it certainly makes life easier, but i love that my son is open, accepting and supportive of people...all people.

wwcd: maybe it's time for our children to teach us a thing or two

unlimited

most parents feel their children can do anything or be anything...their lives are filled with unlimited potential. my friend felicia told me that many black parents tell their children, "you can grow up to be anything - even president." the day after obama was elected, she said now parents can really mean what they say.

it's been important to me to raise my son zach with the feeling that he has unlimited potential - and can achieve it - with effort of course. for zach's 14th birthday, i made him a card that listed many famous people who were also born on that day. in 2 columns on the front of the card were listed their names and professions and at the bottom of the list was zach's name and for profession i wrote "anything you want to be." not sure why i got a little teary when i wrote that line, but thinking about his potential is emotional.

several people have asked me why i've taken on another "job" with this blog and my response has been that the blog brings me a great deal of pleasure and makes me think in a different way, every day. but in thinking about it more closely, i'm enjoying my unlimited potential.

wwcd: we might want to rethink unlimited potential and apply it to ourselves as well as the kids

looking forward

when my mom and stepfather divorced 32 years ago he told me that when you have nothing to look forward to, you look back. 25 years later i remembered his words as i faced my own divorce. it was comforting to look back and remember happy times, old friends, past loves. not only was it comforting it was easy to idealize those times and people and erase the painful present.

i'm thinking that some marketing genius at facebook realized this as well and marketed to the over 40 year old hoping that enough were unhappy with the now and wanted to look back. this group must be a big part of their business. is the need to reconnect with friends, loves from your past because of missing something in your life now or just curiosity?

it's definitely exciting at first to rekindle relationships. after the initial "friending" has taken place and the burst of information trading is completed, conversations seem to progress in only a couple of ways: 1. you realize that you haven't spoken in 30 years because you don't have anything in common and it pretty much fizzles then and there, or 2. realize that the friendship or relationship you had still has a special spark and you begin a new phase of the relationship in the now.

wwcd: with that spark in place, move it forward and don't look back

who holds the power

when i was in my early 20s i had a client who was in his 50s and he used to say to me that if women understood the power they possess, they would rule in business. of course, at that time, i had no idea what he was talking about. over the years i've come to realize that he meant: women have what most men want and men don't always think with their brains, therefore, women are in control.

it's not often we hear about married women in powerful positions involved in a sex scandal. my guess is between the career, kids, husband and friends, she's too tired to think about or have sex. but men are different. they risk so much for a little something on the side. clinton, edwards, sanford and just recently letterman have risked their families and careers.

to digress for a moment ... i'm a little more personally invested in the letterman story. i've had a not-so-secret crush on him since i was 21, so i'm feeling a little sad that i never applied for an internship back then.

i've worked in offices where men made inappropriate advances, but i never felt my job was threatened. i thought and still think that in many situations it's the way the woman responds to advances that determines the outcome. and may determine her future. please know i'm aware there are situations that are more serious, but many office dalliances are harmless and quite consensual.

wwcd: men in power are magnetic and will also be attractive to some women, but if women continue to think with their brains and keep their sense of humor, they will call the shots.